Lessons in Texas (The Story of Husband 3)
by hollylikes2write
Summary: Ana learns hard life lessons in short stay in Texas. But with support of new friends and her fathers love can she overcome her life of hell at home?


**CHAPTER ONE: **_**The Dissolution of a Happy Family**_

_**August 15**__**th**__**, 2005**_

It was June of 2005 the last day of my freshman year, when my world came crashing down. Every now and then I bitterly reminisce about the one morning all seemed happy, normal, and content, but by the end of breakfast my life would be forever changed.

Bitterly, I'm always bitter these days, I contemplate how Texas isn't home to me. It is hot, dry and my own personal miserable prison. I wouldn't go so far as to say I miss my hometown of Montesano, Washington; I didn't fit in there any better than I do here in Mansfield. Sometimes I daydream about returning to Montesano though; and my peers who had tortured me growing up would welcome me back as a new and sophisticated equal. They would invite me to parties and dances and somehow my time in Texas suddenly made me desirable and a sought after friend. But of course that is a dream. I'd never escape here.

What I have learned in the last year is the only true thing about dreams is that they evaporate once you wake up. The one and only father I've come to love and trust is the only person I miss, our modest home, the only thing I miss, and the mother that I thought I had is a disillusion that I miss beyond sanity. Mansfield is "home" now, but I feel as though I am a ghost of myself since the dramatic move just a few months ago, only returning to Washington with Carla to complete her legal separation of her marriage to my dad Ray.

I have to force myself out of bed; lately it's becoming more and more difficult to do this. In all my 15 years I have never been a morning person but this was a different type of reluctance. I dread the short walk to the bathroom to take a very quick shower, attempt to dry and untangle my natural mess of brown curls and brush my teeth. I avoid looking in the mirror because my mother and her soon to be husband number 3, (Mr. Morton) tell me often enough how ugly I am. My mom often comments: "You must get that from your biological father because I was quite a looker at your age." _Way to build my self-esteem mother._ So the mirrors are unnecessary to me I simply don't need to have my own visual confirmation. At any rate, if I was in the bathroom longer than 15 minutes Mr. Morton would find a way to punish me, while my mother would look on and simply say that I knew the rules. I wrap myself if my pink fluffy robe and quickly retreat back to my bedroom.

I finish readying for the day here in a modest room; which feels more like a prison cell; but I suppose I'm lucky I have a bed, a house and a roof, I know I have a better life then some. My Dad often told me about people in the world that have nothing, not enough food or shelter and were slowly dying because they didn't get the health care they needed. I will always remember those conversations with Ray, I was 5. It humbled me that I had enough food every day, I was warm, and I was able to go to school. I was thankful for each day my Dad and Mom were with me, happy and healthy too, like me. I have only now come to learn that just having a bed or food doesn't mean happiness.

My bedroom is void of any personal effects, I didn't get to take much with me when we left, but the sparse quarters don't bother me; I have a twin second hand daybed with gold paint chipping away to show the metal structure underneath. My duvet is a blanket my mom made me right before "the big move". I have a small dresser, under t-shirts on the fourth and bottom drawer I keep a small box, hand made by my Dad that has the few possessions I smuggled to Texas, I treasure, mostly photos of a happier time and a bank debit card Ray sent me for emergencies, I didn't tell my mom about that, it surely wouldn't remain mine for long, and something tells me I may need it someday. I also have a very small desk and chair. Finally, I have a closet that's quite small; though it serves two purposes: it holds some clothes, and is my "time-out spot". One of Mr. Morton's favorite punishments is to throw me in there, and make me wait for undetermined lengths of time. Once I spent an entire night huddled in the back corner, in pitch blackness. I was never afraid of the dark or claustrophobic when I lived in Washington. Just one of the many changes that happened since my Mother allowed Mr. Morton into my life.

Today is the first day of school so I start to dress accordingly; I pull on blue jeans and a blush pink camisole. I don't worry about a bra, it's not like I have anything to hold up anyway. After I slip on pink flats and throw my dark brown hair in a ponytail, I think I'm okay to go. I force myself to look in the full length mirror that hangs on my side of the bedroom door. I am to thin or to fat depending on who you ask. My long thick chestnut hair is curly, but as typical, frizzy; my new clothes are too large for me now, after only a few weeks, I pretend not to notice. Finally, I examine my blue eyes that are much too large for my small face; Mr. Morton taunts me about being alien looking while my Dad always told me my eyes were beautiful. I don't know who to believe. There's not much to be done with them anyway.

I hurry to the kitchen to eat a bowl of cereal, if I still have time; my mother promised to drive me to school today. But I'm not holding my breath. I've been here permanently since July 20th the day after my parents' legal separation was granted and primary custody awarded to Carla (my mother), with visitation rights to my Dad,_ if_ he made the trek to Texas to visit me. I know he's tried, but Carla never allowed it, always coming up with various excuses. I honestly don't know if I'll ever see him again. I know I hurt my mother when I begged the court to let me stay with my Dad, but my request was ignored, since technically I am not his biological child. I was devastated; I couldn't stop the flood gates that were holding my tears as the judge unknowingly sentenced me to misery, depression, and dark thoughts of ending my life. Carla has never forgiven me for being born. I guess deep down I know it must have been painful to her to know that I would choose my Dad over her but she hurt me first by taking away my security and Dad in one fatal swoop.

Just to kick me while I was down my mother said loud enough for the entire court room to hear, that I was embarrassing myself. I got violently sick, Ray Steele is my father, and no piece of paper can change that. In those moments I lost all hope, my sanity was sitting on a very precarious edge. I instinctively knew Morton was bad news, my mother was changing into a different person, becoming a chameleon in the works and now they are taking me away from the one stable home I've ever had.

In the 27 difficult days I've officially lived here I have committed some form of an infraction which always led to some type of ridicule or punishment, thinking about my pervious life in Washington, I very seldom was in trouble and my parents never spoke in angry tones to me. Every issue was resolved quietly and appreciatively. I was a good kid, I excelled in school, avoided any situation that would shame my Dad, was considerate with house work, and helped out as much as I could. Aside from a couple temper tantrums when I was a toddler, my Mom and Dad always said how they got off easy with me.

However, here confrontation is the main form of conversation, taunts and insults thrown in for good measure. It also seems each day I have done something to warrant a berating; most of the time I never figure out what the infraction actually is. I have only been allowed to speak to Ray twice for 10 minutes, and each time while I was talking I was under the scrutiny of Carla and Mr. Morton. My cell phone was now under their control. I am hoping when I start school today, I'll be able to devote most of my time to studying, thereby avoiding both Carla and Mr. Morton. They are even suspicious when speaking to Aunt Laura, my mother's own sister, afraid I may say something to embarrass them, like, the truth.

I really miss my Dad and to a lesser extent my Aunt Laura. My mother always acted strange around her and tried to avoid any situation that would include her sister in our lives. I overheard Mom and Aunt Laura on the phone last week, my Mother was screaming at her one and only living relative, aside from me, and my heart broke (if there was any left to break). Aunt Laura had asked me to be a Jr. Bridesmaid in her wedding, while we still lived with Dad. I was so excited. But apparently when she called me mother to speak to her about wanting to fly me home to do dress shopping, she exploded. Subsequently I will no longer be in the wedding but my Mother never explained the official reason.

Aunt Laura was special to me, though I didn't see her often; whenever I asked her to visit me she would drop everything to have one of our special girl days. When I was old enough to recognize it, I could tell these day trips made my mother jealous; but she would never pull herself away from her keyboard to come with us. Since I didn't want to ever hurt my Mom, Aunt Laura and I drifted apart to some extent. So when she called and asked my Mom and Dad (before broaching me) to be part of her wedding, my Dad was the one to take the call and said yes without consulting my Mom, he immediately put me on the line with Aunt Laura and she told me all about the wedding and what my place would be. I was so excited, pretty dresses, fancy hair-do's, sophisticated parties and dancing. It was a 15 year-old girl's dream come true.

I think that prompted the escalation of my mother's downward spiral, her insecurities and jealousy flared, resulting in an ill-conceived relationship with a man, who is cruel and unstable. I think I'm as close to hating someone as I ever have been with my Mom, and the shady character she is planning on marrying. It was her infidelity with Mr. Morton and betrayal that divided Ray and Carla. Deep down I know that I do love her but there have been many times when I doubted her love in return. I have written several letters and secretly mailed them to Ray but not about the situation here yet. I know my ex-military father, and I don't want to worry him. Sadly and surprisingly I haven't received any letters in return. I would later learn that his letters were confiscated.

I hope and pray that he is keeping his last promise to me and he's working on getting full custody, which is stressful in itself. I don't want to burden him with the news of my treatment here as he needs nothing else to worry him. However, I do meet with a caseworker on October 1st so I just need to make it a few more months and I have every intention of spilling everything. I am sure that I can survive it. Ray raised me to know self-defense and to be instinctual.

Mr. Morton (and yes this is the only way I am to address him) treats me more like a maid then his girlfriends, _sorry _"fiancés", daughter. I hate when I am alone in the house with him for reasons I've avoided exploring. I feel his eyes on me all the time, and something in my stomach warns me to be diligent about locking the bathroom door and to I prop a chair in front of my bedroom door. It would be pointless to bring this up with Carla, so I just remember Rays' solid advice to _"Follow your gut Annie, that's your best form of defense."_

Since Ray is the only father I've known; he's my best friend, my teacher, my confidant, and sometimes my conscience. I've never doubted his love for me like I do with Carla. In all honesty he's the only person I trust explicitly. He gave me his last name. Some might find that trivial or just a formality, but to me it means that he sees me as his real daughter, not just some kid that tagged around with her Mom. That's not the way Mr. Morton treats me. This is why I am angry at my mother for what she's done. Ray is a good man, but she selfishly threw that away when she met Stephen Morton on the internet. Although, I have a strong suspicion he was not the first hook-up she dabbled in.

Ray turned a blind eye so he could guarantee that I was well taken care of. Ray is a bit older then my Mother, and while we are by no means affluent, he provided for us. My mother hasn't really worked a day in her life. _(Hysterically until now) _Frankly, I believe all this secret dating and internet crap was because she was bored. Why she just didn't join a book club I'll never understand. When I get married, provided I find someone who would ever want to marry me, I would never betray my vows.

Shortly after we were officially in the same city as Mr. Home-wrecker- Morton, he "lost" his job. Frankly seeing his living conditions I don't trust that he ever had one, or at least not the good paying, stable and cushy position he bragged about to my Mother. He quickly moved into our home, while he was "looking" for work. From what I could tell his job hunt included, sleeping in until 10, watching crap TV, smoking 2 packs of cigarettes and watching porn on his computer which was located in the family room. I unknowingly walked into this one evening while my mother was at work; I was on my way to the kitchen to make my own supper. I thought he would yell at me, but instead he asked me if I wanted to watch it with him. It made my scalp prickle and I felt very unsafe. Without a word I retreated back to my room and shoved my chair under the door handle; ashamed that I am so fearful in my own "home". My Mother took a nightshift at a hospital records room, filing, but she complained about it and because of her schedule I don't see her often. So I'm alone with Morton a lot a condition, which a mother should never allow.

My mom told me that she didn't like how Ray and I spent so much time together, but Mr. Pedo-Morton is just fucking dandy. Mom once told me she didn't want me hurt if Ray wasn't there anymore, I didn't really understand what that meant. He was my Daddy he took me to the zoo, Disneyland; we'd go get ice cream and walk the wilderness trails of Mt. Rainer. My Mother was always invited to come, she just never wanted to. I believe once again it's because she is a jealous person. If I was happy then she wasn't, sometimes having above average intelligence at my age isn't a good thing. Ray and I always got along and very seldom did we argue and if we did it typically always ended in a fit of giggles. Carla wanted me to distance myself from Ray as she was beginning too, she would make remarks about Ray not letting us go on vacation, or that we were on a clothing budget. All of these things though I understood, my mother didn't work, and Ray worked very hard to provide for us, if we didn't have extra money surely that wasn't something to be angry about. Ray was more interested on providing us with shelter, food and essentials, this is what we needed.

To me Ray was the best father a girl could have. He always wears his typical uniform of jeans and a flannel shirt but I think he's handsome. Since he owns and operates his own carpentry business, suits and ties weren't really necessary to his career. But all the same, he would dress up and go to every single father-daughter dance with me. He'd make time to chaperon class trips and he never missed a recital (all though it must have been painful for his ears). These types of events just didn't appeal to my Mother, and no matter what my accomplishment was, she found ways to make a hurtful shot about it. One year I won the state read-a-thon contest, which was a pretty big deal for a 5th grader, they had a fantastic award ceremony arranged, and a local congress women presented me a special plaque and a $2500 college scholarship. All the while Ray was there snapping pictures away when I saw Carla walk in. I was elated my Mother finally came to see my achieve something I worked so hard for, but I was mistaken. She and Ray had a quick talk, he handed her what looked like cash and she left before I received my award. She didn't even glance up at me as I sat on the dais waiting for the presentation. I never let on to either of them that I saw her. I think Ray knew though because he took me on a rare treat to Baskin Robbins afterwards.

**CHAPTER TWO: **_**The Day My World Just Stopped**_

I remember the conversation all too well between Carla and my Dad. I replay it in mind frequently, searching for a clue that might wake me up from this nightmare. Alas, this is a situation out of my control, out of my Dad's control, and my Mother had shared her infidelity, drinking habits and vindictiveness to achieve all the power in the discussion. You can't accomplish much compromise with someone who doesn't care about any feelings other than her own. It baffles me that she insisted I leave with her; I suspect it had more to do with hurting Ray than my best interest, or even her love for me. I'd never ask her that though, I'm too afraid of the answer.

Just two days before classes were excused for summer vacation I was getting my book bag together, while Ray was quizzing me with my final exam questions as I ran around the house trying to find everything thing I needed for school. If I excelled on my finals, then I would be eligible to take summer classes to bump me up from 10th grade to 11th. That would mean that I was on the track for early college admission, my one hope, desire, dream, goal and it was Rays too. He didn't get an opportunity to go to college, but he always took pride in the fact I was an excellent student and on the right pace to do just that. Needless to say once I started high school, college prep was a big deal to me and Ray. My Mom thought it would be wasteful this was a frequent argument between Ray and Carla. She didn't believe I "had what it takes" to be a college student, despite my 4.0 GPA, the fact I was in freshman and taking 2nd year college literature and English, and the rest of my course I was in Advanced Placement even math.

Despite my hesitation of other students I forced me self to become involved in various activities; I participated in volunteer work at the local nursing home, were I help patients read and write letters, I also helped Ray manage the books at his shop, all of these things would help when I applied for colleges. So the discomfort I felt was just a means to achieve my goal. As extra incentive; I was financial ready for the exorbitant cost of tuition. I had various scholarships and a trust that my biological father's parents left me when they passed away, even though I had never been allowed to meet them. When the money was bequeathed to me, at the age of 8; Carla and Ray were happily married and mutually agreed to save it for college, it wasn't like an 8 year old needed that kind of money, and it just secured my future a bit more solidly.

But none of this was good enough for my mother she wanted a, beautiful daughter, a prom queen or a cheerleader, but the fact is I'm not popular, I'm very shy, and not at all pretty (a fact my mother never let me forget). I'm too short, too scrawny, I have unruly curls, and while people always mention how pretty my blue eyes are; I know that they are just too large for my face. Mr. Morton says that my eyes make me look like a Chihuahua, alien or a cartoon character, depending on his mood. I don't know how to dress, so I'm nearly always in jeans and a t-shirt or hoodie, I find make-up intimidating so at best I might slap on lip gloss. I have never dated and I don't have many friends, but that's because I'm shy not because I didn't want them. Carla didn't want an intelligent daughter; she wanted a brainless doll she could play dress up with. I know I'm her biggest disappointment, adding to the mystery of why she insisted that I had to live with her and Mr. Morton, I would have thought she would have been happy to get rid of me.

I never understood Carla's trepidation about my college goals, Ray reluctantly explained it to me one day, when my known life was breaking down. He didn't tell me to cause me ill-feelings about my Mother, but because I was so depressed she wouldn't allow me to accepted an invitation from University of Washington to tour the campus and attend college prep workshops. So the story goes… my mother was accepted to attend college, but then when she met Frank Lambert (my bio Dad), he had just joined the military. They were in love and at the age of 17 my mother discovered she was pregnant. She and Frank married, but she had to work to keep up with all the expenses. She had to decline college. From all accounts from Aunt Laura and my Maternal Grandmother (who passed when I was 3) Frank and my Mother loved each other very much, and not once did she regret me, or marrying Frank. But life is tragic, and cruel. Just 18 hours after my birth. Frank was killed in a training accident on base. Suddenly my mother was an 18 year old single parent with little support. I think she now wishes that she terminated me and went to school as she planned. It's hard to know you are the reason, your Mother is so unhappy.

The morning my parents broke the news to me about their upcoming divorce, was the last day of school, it started exactly the same as any other school day. Alarm blaring, shower taken, clothes thrown on and I guessed that I was presentable enough for school without really caring. I flew down the stairs to join my parents for breakfast. Once I poured myself some cereal and steeped tea, Carla and Ray asked me down at the table. To be honest I was expecting that they were going to give me a car for my birthday which was just a few months away and I had passed my driver's education classes successfully just a week before, so I was really giddy. I couldn't have been more wrong. I sat back and listened, while my heart was sinking further and further into my stomach.

_**June 1**__**st**____**h**__** 2005 **_

_Ray reached over and held my hand, my mom noticing just rolled her eyes and glared at Ray. "Annie… your mother and I have something we need to discuss with you." Ray's voice was calm and gentle, it reminded me of the many times he had to clean up my scrapped knees or hold my hair back while I got sick. My Mother jumped in to clarify however, "Ray this isn't a discussion we are having with Anastasia this is us telling her how it's going to be there is no room for discussion or negotiation." I frowned at that. Ray has always taught me that there is always room for negotiation, already I was worried about where this conversation was headed. I took a moment to really examine my mother; she always dressed well, her fashion sense is one thing I didn't inherit. Today she was wearing a coral wrap dress and her blonde (obviously) dyed hair was in a chignon. Ray was in a Seahawk t-shirt and jeans. Isn't it funny how you can remember the stupidest details the day your life comes crashing down?_

"_Mom, Dad what's going on?" I can hear my voice shake but I will not shed a tear in front of Carla I would not give her that satisfaction._

"_Well darling I have some wonderful news!" My mother was beaming at me, but I didn't trust it because when I glanced at Ray I could see tears forming in his eyes. I squeezed his hand tighter. "Anastasia, Ray and I haven't been getting along very well lately. So we've decided to take a little break, and a friend of mine offered to let us stay with him in Texas, until things get settled here." She's still smiling. I let my face go blank and just looked at her. How could she possibly think this was good news?_

_I am nearly 16 years old, with an IQ of 135. I'm not stupid this isn't "some friend" she finally convinced one of her boyfriends to let her mooch of him for a while since Ray's business was slowing down. "Well Anastasia you could at least pretend to be excited for this trip! I mean you can't spend all summer with your nose in a book." Since my reaction wasn't was she anticipated she's getting angry, she stands from the table and pours herself a glass of orange juice adding the vodka, I know when it's going to be a bad day if she starts drinking before noon. I look at Ray. His red eyes betray him, and I know he's as hurt as I am._

"_Mom I need to work on college applications this summer. Not to mention study for my SAT's. So why don't you go if you feel like you have to abandon us, but I am staying right here." I know I sounded petulant, and very seldom do I have the gumption to through a fit. But just because my mother is flighty, does not give her the excuse to take me along for the ride. I rather expected Ray to say something at this point to back me up, but one look at him and I know he tried and failed already. "I'm sorry Anastasia did I give you the impression that this was optional for you? Because, it is not young lady, I am not Ray who you can manipulate into anything you will do what I say. So I suggest you start packing because we are leaving Tomorrow at 3:00 sharp."_

"_No. I will be staying right here, working on college applications. If you really think vacationing with me in Texas is a sound parental move perhaps you should bring it up in a custody hearing, but until that day Ray is just as much my parent as you, and you are not allowed to take me out of state without his permission." I rise from the table to leave. "I have to leave for school now." I stop to hug my Father as hard as I can and whisper "Daddy I love you!"_

That was the conversation that broke me. Ray was the only father I knew, and more than that he was the only parent who cared about me. I don't know why she is insisting that I go with her, when she clearly doesn't like me, but I wasn't going without a fight. I decided that I really needed to talk to Ray alone. I feel like I am missing some important piece of this puzzle and I knew Carla would never give me answers.

**CHAPTER THREE: **_**Coming to Terms of an Undesired Fate**_

That afternoon I walked to Ray's shop. I started my normal chores of, sweeping the lobby, calling customers about the status of their order, verifying orders and sorting through Rays receipt pile, and probably my favorite duty, writing letters back to customers who wished to express thanks or ask questions. Very seldom was there ever a complaint, but when there was Ray and I would brainstorm together the best way to proceed. Who would do all this when I wasn't here to help? He had a shop assistant but he couldn't afford another clerk, not even at part time. I do this because he's my Dad and I enjoy spending time here with him. The smell of wood and sawdust is calming to me. This is the one place I knew Carla wouldn't visit, making it even more peaceful.

Once I've completed the majority of this week's work I wander back to his work table where he's studiously examining a rocking chair that was commissioned by a husband to surprise his pregnant wife. It was breathtaking really, with an overly large cushioned seat and soft white drift wood with fine intricate detail. If I ever have a baby I hope he makes me a chair just like this. "All done Annie?" he asks without looking up from his masterpiece. "No, Dad not yet… I just need to ask you something." This gets his attention and he motions for me to sit across from him at his work table. "This chair is beautiful Dad, I think you out did yourself." I grin at him. "Thanks kiddo, now what did you want to talk to me about?" I look down at my wringing hands. A nervous tic I've had my entire life. My biggest fear is that he won't want me, but I've decided I'm not leaving him without a fight.

I look at him square in his dark brown eyes and I take a deep breath: "Dad… I don't want to leave you, and go out of state and into the home of a man my Mother barely knows." I take another deep breath concentrating on my hands. "I love you Daddy, I know Carla is flighty and let's face it irresponsible, so maybe going with her will keep her safe. But I don't want to Dad. I don't want to leave you! How could I possibly leave the only home I've ever known?! I want to finish school here, not start from the beginning somewhere else. I could be graduating early next year if I stay on this path. I'm worried she's going to derail me. I know I sound like the worst daughter in the world. I know I do. But I've never been selfish Daddy, I've never asked for anything. But I am begging you right now, please Dad don't make me leave. I promise I won't be any trouble to you I'll keep the house up, make the meals, go to school and help you around the shop, just like always Dad." I'm not sure at what point I started crying, but I'm so distraught that I just let the tears fall, and I can't continue my plea.

Ray holds me and gently rocks me back and forth. "Annie, Annie, Annie, I've begged Carla to reconsider. Not the divorce, because that's just broken, but I don't want you to go anywhere. I'm talking with lawyers now; I'm not giving up on you without a fight either. I promise. But it might take a while Annie, situations like this are kind of expensive, so I'm going to have to do some financial dealings to pay for this. I will do everything I can so you **HAVE** to be strong. You can do this; you're the strongest young women I've ever met. This is just one of your Mother's games. I know you love her. I just wish she could separate her hatred of me from you. We'd probably not be having this conversation if she wasn't as vindictive as she is. I called your Aunt Laura, she said that she would call Carla and will try to convince her to rethink, but you know your Mother. I'm afraid this might be a done deal, but just for now." Ray suddenly looks so much older than he did just yesterday. I throw myself in his arms and hug him sobbing. Our embrace was only broken up by the jingle of the door, alerting us that a customer was in the lobby waiting. Since I was blotchy and still crying Ray went out to greet the patron.

A few hours later Ray drove me home, but on the way he stopped at his bank to deposit cash to his business account. After this transaction finished he asked to speak to someone about opening another account. I was mildly curious because I never witnessed any part of the financial side of his business, aside from double checking his book for mathematical mistakes. Quickly we were led to a small cubicle and sat across from a pleasant woman who asked what she could help him with. Trapped in my own inner turmoil, I wasn't 100% committed to the conversation. But when Ray asked me a direct question I narrowed my eyes. _Why would they need my Identification?_ I handed it over. The banking assist started asking various questions regarding what type of account would be best for me. I looked at Ray puzzled, "Trust me Annie you'll need your own account given the turn of events." I nodded. When the clerk asked how I would be making an opening deposit, Ray removed his check book, and wrote out a dollar amount I didn't notice until I signed the back of the check. 2000_? How can he afford that? Surely it's too much! _I give him a panicked gasp but he quickly took the check and handed it to the clerk. She excused herself to get the documents required, but before I had a chance to ask what he was doing he already had his hands up defensively "Annie, you might need emergency money, okay? This will also give me away to send you cash if you ever need me to. It gives me peace-of-mind, Annie. Do this for me okay?" I hug him as tight as I can. Now in my pocket I have a shiny new debit card, with my name imprinted on it _Anastasia R. Steele. _I also have a pack of banking information that Ray said he would keep in his work safe, the only thing I would need is the card, to make deposits or withdraws. I smiled at him as we climbed back into his work truck.

As soon as he slams his door shut he started to emphatically talk and I paid close attention: "You keep this hidden from Carla and that asshole she's seeing. It's for emergencies, but don't be afraid to use it if you need something. It will be safer to have a card in your name then in cash, memorize your pin number, don't write it down anywhere, and never share it. Got it kiddo?" I nod frantically, but Ray continues…"We're also going to get a cellphone, you can't keep that hidden to easy, but I'm buying it, and paying for it so Carla can't say shit about it alright? If you ever need me I'm a call away. Keep it close." Ray is ex-military but typically he's full of soft smiles and kind words, now he's all business. I promise him that I'll guard the phone and money for safe keeping, and I'll use them sparingly and for emergencies.

Before heading home Ray and I stop at a small shopping mall, where we procured a cellphone, he let me get any phone I wanted, saying that this wasn't my birthday present this is an I love you present._ I love that man! _I start asking about the most inexpensive phone, when he shakes his head at me and tells the clerk that I can get whatever I wanted. She smiled and showed me several sleek looking phones; I fell in love with a hot pink Motorola. As Ray paid, guilt set in, while he was signing contracts and deep down I wanted to refuse the gifts he gave me today but something in the back of my mind told me that I needed to trust Ray. If he felt like I might need cash and a personal phone, I'll accept them gratefully.

**CHAPTER FOUR: **_** And So It Begins**_

_**June 2**__**nd**__** 2005**_

I had finished packing my carefully selected belongings; being told "I would not be taking my whole damn life with me." I taped the debit card to the false bottom of a small combination lock box Ray for made me last Christmas. I put in other valuables, Ray had given me his mother' small diamond ring and a couple other pieces of jewelry, that she wanted me to have before she passed away several years ago, a collection of photographs and a hand written list of all the contacts I may need if this move turns sour.

That day Mr. Morton came to collect my Mother and I was torture. I was sobbing and holding on to Ray for dear life, when my Mother pulled me off him and told me I was embarrassing myself yet again. It was those words that were sinking in when I felt like I was having a heart attack, I felt overwhelmed and darkness overtook and I passed out. The next thing I remember I was staring up at a very worried Ray in the back of a parked ambulance, while I could hear my Mother and Mr. Morton complain to the EMT workers that it was unnecessary to take me to the Emergency Room. Mercifully, the EMT driver shut the back door so I could no longer hear my Mothers protest and Mr. Morton exclaiming that he would not tolerate a drama queen in his home.

Ray stoically ignored them as the ambulance rushed me to the nearest hospital. Ray and the EMT told me I couldn't fall back to sleep quite yet, even though I needed to and my head was begging me to just rest my eyes. Hours later I still hadn't seen Carla, but Ray kept vigil by my hospital bed where we were told that, I most likely suffered an acute anxiety attack and that the doctor had a suspicion that I had not been eating, causing me to faint which in turn caused a significant concussion since I landed on the cement walkway and not 2 inches over on the soft grass.

As my hospital room door opened a very pretty woman with carefully styled sandy hair in a bright white doctor's coat came in with a large smile. "Hello, Anastasia my name is Dr. Trevelyan. I work at the Children's Hospital in Seattle. But a very good friend of mine had an emergency and the asked me to cover for her at this hospital for a few days." I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say, so I glanced at Ray who graciously thanks Dr. Trevelyan for the both of us, explaining that I'm quite shy, only causing my blush to deepen. She just smiles as assures me she understands.

"Well Anastasia, I've seen the ER report and it looks like you had a pretty rough day. So there are a few things I'd like to ask you if you don't mind?"

"Ana. I mean please call me Ana… I'm only Anastasia when I'm in trouble… Am I in trouble?" Suddenly suspicious that Carla and her minion intercepted Dr. Trevelyan before she came to see me.

She laughs, and pats my hand. "No darling, you are not in trouble. But I am quite concerned, which is different. I really want to help you get over your anxiety attack, and concussion. You have a slight, very slight, hairline fracture on your skull. So unfortunately you'll be stuck with me for a few days for observation." I give a nervous glance at Ray. How will we pay for this? What will Carla do? But he only gives me a reassuring smile. "Ana when you came in your blood pressure was very low, which in itself causes worry, the fact that you passed out also worries me. While you were sleeping earlier we stole some of your blood to test, and did some other test along the way. We know you're quite dehydrated, which is why we've got you hooked up to that thing there" she points to my IV I follow the line up to a clear bag. I nod, so she continues. "Your protein and electrolytes are not where we want them to be, and that has me concerned; because it can be an indicator that you might have some issues with eating. Now if you are more comfortable talking one-on-one with me that would be okay." I shake my head hard, regretting it instantly the pain radiates through my head, "No, Please let my Daddy stay." She smiles again and pats my hand as she takes a seat in one of the unoccupied chairs.

I didn't want Ray to leave and in truth I hadn't been eating. I just can't eat when I'm upset. I never have been able to. I knew Ray would be disappointed in me, because we've had this conversation before and as I predicted Ray was angry at me but; it was short lived since he was more relieved that I would be fine. The Doctor assured Ray that I needed to be kept in the hospital for a few days under observation and to treat my nutritional setback. I was put on an IV that pushed fluids, nutrients and pain medication for the headache I was suffering from the concussion and fracture, but I would make a speedy recovery. I was also given a sedative to help me relax and sleep, after eating a satisfactory amount set out by a very kind nurse. Ray never left my side. As I slipped in and out of consciousness, I heard him speaking on his phone. He must have been sketching out a project because the call was on speaker.

"Carla, your daughter has been admitted. She'll need to stay in the hospital for a few days." He sounds so sad I want to reach out and hold his hand but the medication made my limbs so heavy I felt immobile.

"This is fucking ridiculous Ray! You know that Stephen and I had this trip to Texas planned out already. Are you sure this just isn't a game on her part to keep us from leaving? It will not work. I am her mother I can check her out this instant if I so choose!"

"Typical Carla, everything that happens in the world is just to screw with you."

"Fuck off Ray; we will be there in less than hour!"

"Wow Carla you mean you'd actually be here when your daughter needs you? The last time you did that was her birth, wasn't it?" I cringe at Ray's remark but he does have a pretty solid point. "Do you seriously doubt your daughter, her father, her nurses, and her doctor Carla?" Poor Ray sounds like he's holding on to his sanity by a thread.

In the background you can hear Mr. Morton calling me a dramatic bitch. My breath hitches, he doesn't even know me. Why would he think this of me? Suddenly I hear my heart monitor beeping faster and faster. Apparently so did my kind nurse and Dr. Trevelyan.

**CHAPTER FIVE: **_**The Good Doctor**_

"Carla I have to go, you and you're boyfriend have once again successfully put Annie in another emergency." He doesn't wait for a reply he just clicks his phone closed.

"Sweet Ana-Banana, you must try to relax. Is there anything that sounds good to eat? You can have whatever you want." Dr. Trevelyan, is talking to me like I'm a wounded puppy, but instead of being annoyed, I smile. She just seems like such a genuine person that for some reason I find her relaxing despite of my surroundings. I look at Ray he looks worried, but he's trying to mask it by giving me his special smile that he reserves just for me. My nurse, who I was told, could call Trudy; enters and ask what I would like to eat for dinner, since the Doc is still in the room I am assuming my options are limited but I go for thee gusto…

"Can I have pizza?" I ask sheepishly, I'm not a huge fan of pizza but Ray is, and we've had a lot of fun times together watching television and eating pizza together. Dr. Trevelyan laughs "Of course Ana-Banana, I won't even make you eat the disgusting hospital café kind, we'll order it in." Nurse Trudy helped me to the en suite restroom, situating me comfortably in the hospital bed, fluffing my pillow, and then finally leaving to order our pizza, which Ray insisted to pay for. While we wait for supper, Dr. Trevelyan asks me about my eating habits. I must look guilty, because she gives me her hand to hold. "Look Dr. Trevelyan, I know how it must look. I know some girls my age go through eating disorders, but I swear it's not that. I just find it hard to remember to eat when there is stress in my life; Ray can attest to that, we have arguments frequently about it."

She smiles at me, "I have talked to Ray, and I know that you don't have a classic eating disorder, but it isn't normal to forget to eat. It could become dangerous, you could say, oh I don't know… get upset, pass out and crack your head on a side walk and end up in the hospital." Through her sarcasm she smiles at me with a wink, while Ray snorts to cover his laugh.

"I know your parents are separating and that you are being asked to move to a new place. I can't imagine how scary that must be for you. But in order to prove to the judges who will be adjudicating your custody situation, it would be best for you if you are healthy; to prove you are responsible to voice your own opinion and wishes. Do you understand what I'm saying, love?" I nod. I briefly muse how Dr. Trevelyan reminds me of the type of mother I always wanted she obviously has children of her own, and I bet they feel very lucky to have her. "I'm going to let you rest for now Ana-Banana; but I might sneak in later for a slice of pizza!" She gives me another wink and walks out.

Half an hour later there is a knock at my door, expecting it to be Nurse Trudy, but unfortunately finding it was Carla and the disgusting-home-wrecker following close behind. It's now I'm able to really see him, and I find him truly vile. I feel hollowness in the pit of my stomach that is demanding attention, screaming 'DON'T IGNORE ME'; he's much smaller then Ray, although Ray is a large man. But standing close to each other I don't understand what my mom sees in the little troll. He's dressed okay; in a green polo and khakis I notice his shoes are not expensive. Bitterly I think if my Mother is leaving Ray because she's trying to climb to a higher income bracket she's going to disappointed. I take Ray's hand firmly, for two reasons, first because I needed his support and second I was very afraid that Ray was on edge and one flippant remark by either of them might push him over. I vaguely wonder if I asked Dr. Trevelyan if she would proscribe visitors from my room. I'll have to consider this if things don't go well.

Ray stood from his chair and welcomed them, albeit, a little stiff. "She won't be released for at least 2 days, according to her doctor."

"Well that's unfortunate Ray, because we are leaving with her tonight as scheduled. We'll take her to a doctor when we get to Mansfield, if she _actually_ needs it. Frankly, I think this a ploy to prolong the inevitable." Mr. Morton sounds cold; I will admit I'm terrified of him. What the hell does my mother see in him? Ray is like the sun on a cold day, warm and nourishing. Mr. Morton is like a winter freeze, desolate and destructive. My mother's transformation is the most shocking. She had never been warm or overly affectionate; but I would have never suspected she could turn on me, her only child, as violently as she has. I shudder.

"Annie, are you cold do you need another blanket?" Rays voice laced with concern. I shake my head, which I instantly regret because the pain in the back of my head begins to instantly hurt and I gasp. "I'm not cold; it has just been a long day Daddy. My head really hurts though" I retake his hand "Thank you."

I'm aware that my mother looks putout that I singled Ray out to express my gratitude, but what does she expect? She doesn't want me to even be here, she's threatening to take me away from the hospital after my accident. She's actually accusing me of "faking" a concussion and skull fracture and to top it off she's stealing me from the only Father I've ever had, tearing me away from my home and finally accuses me of being selfish. She's such a hypocrite sometimes.

Before any of us have anything to say Dr. Trevelyan enters the room carrying a large bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear. "Well Ana Banana it looks like your Dad here thought of everything!" She hands me the bear which I immediately snuggle into, the fragrance of the flowers make the room more comfortable not so antiseptic. "Oh Daddy you shouldn't have, but I love them! They are perfect!" I smile at Ray who chuckles and winks at the doctor to express his gratitude for bringing his gifts into me. "Oops one more thing Ana Banana," she tosses a large bag of Peanut M&M's (_my weakness_). I giggle.

"Anastasia Rose Steele, you will not be eating that garbage. You are already overweight I am not about to let you gain another ounce." Carla spits the verbal venom at me. Dr. Trevelyan looks like someone just slapped her. She gives Ray a significant look, with a sharp nod. "Excuse me, are you Mrs. Steele?"

Carla bristles, "Not for much longer thank god, it's Ms. Wilks, soon to be Mrs. Morton. And you are?"

"Dr. Grace Trevelyan, I am your daughters, primary Doctor while she's with us. I can assure you Ms. Wilks, your daughter is significantly UNDER weight, a few M&M's is not going to hurt her, and she needs to eat. In fact we are breaking all the rules tonight and ordered pizza for dinner didn't we Ana Banana?" She gives me a genuine smile, but I'm so terrified of Carla's reaction, I just start to shake again. I feel my blood pressure cuff start squeeze. Dr. Trevelyan frowns when the machine beeps again, "Ana dear you must try to stay calm, I'm going to give you another dose of Ativan to help you relax. Perhaps this might be the best time to end visiting hours." She gives Ray a look, which I believe is telling him that this edict isn't applicable to him.

"Ms. Wilks your daughter will not be released until her blood pressure is regulated, she's no longer dehydrated, she has weight gain, and I feel comfortable that she will be in an environment that will be conducive to her healing. In addition, she's clearly in pain due to the concussion and skull fracture, I'm afraid arguing in front of her is going to significantly slow her healing process. Visiting hours begin at 8:00am, but I've scheduled a CT-Scan for her at that time, she should be back in her room around 9:30am I would imagine. Shall I show you out?" I wring my fingers and look at Ray who is gapping at the good doctor.

"All of this over a fucking concussion? Please that's the least of my worries; I see a very manipulative 15 year old; that quite frankly pulled the wool over your eyes doctor. The only thing wrong with her is needs some polishing I mean she just isn't that attractive." To me he adds "Let's not add "fat" to your long list of faults." Mr. Morton and my mother are unbelievable. Dr. Trevelyan has been so kind, like an angel and to be insulted in front of her was mortifying. I wish that I could suddenly become invisible. _I will not cry!_ _I will not cry! I will not cry!_

Ray is beet red, I hold his hand tighter, and I give a begging look to Dr. Trevelyan. I'm not sure why but she is the doctor here, clearly she has the authority. Just then my machine started bleeping like crazy _again_. Dr. Trevelyan informed us that the sound indicates when the heart rate exceeds its healthy range. Since I am an otherwise perfectly healthy 15 year-old, she demands that everyone but Ray sit in the lobby or leave. Her voice was no nonsense, but Mr. Morton being the caveman that he is tells Ray that I might be safe in the hospital for some time but I'll be released soon enough and then we might send him a post card.

**CHAPTER SIX:**_** Revelations and Breakdowns**_

Dr. Trevelyan goes back to professional doctor mode, and checks my vitals; she reports that aside from the significant concussion from the fall, I'm physically well. Then she asks Ray to leave the room for a moment so she could talk to me in private, and I panic, "NO, please no my mom and that monster she's with are all ready to take me away from him. Please, he's the only one in the world who cares about me and there is absolutely nothing you can ask me that I would be uncomfortable with Ray here. Please let him stay." The damn tears are back and I'm chocking on my words; it worked however because Dr. Trevelyan smiled and sat down on the foot of the bed and began her questions.

"Ana if I make you uncomfortable I apologize in advance these are just routine questions when a child is brought in with suspected abuse."

"ABUSE?" I am gasping for air again. "Did my mom say Ray was abusing me?" I'm angry now. "My Dad, Ray, has never abused me in any way. He's loved me since I was a baby. He'd never ever hurt me I swear! Did my mom put you up to this? I mean he is not my biological father but he is my Daddy in every way that matters! I'm his daughter and he's the best Dad a girl could ever have. He adopted me; since my biological dad died when I was a day old and he gave me a last name that I am so proud of." I know I am rambling but the verbal purge just keeps coming. Though I'm still fuming I do see a slight smile on Ray's lips. "You don't have to share DNA to be a family Dr. Trevelyan, and Ray is mine!"

Dr. Trevelyan gives me the biggest smile, and pats my hand. "Ana, my husband and I, know all too well that DNA doesn't make a family, we have 3 beautiful children that were all adopted. So you don't need to worry about me not understanding what your Dad means to you. I know how my children love us, despite the fact that we are not the parents who created them. I didn't mean to diminish your feelings toward your Father; the fact that he's sitting here with you shows me how much he considers you his own as well. However, it's obvious something traumatic is happening and I want to help you get through it." Dr. Trevelyan sounds rather placating but behind that I hear a twinge of sadness, and I feel guilty. "I'm sorry Dr. Trevelyan; I'm just so…I feel so… lost."

"Dr. Trevelyan, you're doing your job we appreciate everything you've done for Annie. Please don't take her outburst as an indicator of her personality; she's been through a lot today. She's typically quite calm." Ray is smiling at me now. I never understood why he finds me getting all riled up like this so funny but he always has, at least I'm still amusing.

Dr. Trevelyan smiles at Ray and then me, "I apologize if I misled the question Ana, I was actually referring to Ms. Wilks and Mr. Morton; I understand your divorce isn't finalized?" Ray confirms it, he looks so sad. "Mr. Steele, Ana, I hope I'm not being too presumptuous but if I were to contact a family lawyer to help you to work pro-bono would you object? To be blunt Mr. Steele, I ran a background check on Mr. Morton, as per protocol for non-family members to be permitted in the pediatrics' wing. I'm not sure who allowed him to enter; but I assure you he won't be up here again. In fact, I believe he's been escorted to the main lobby as we speak." She takes my hand and squeezes it, "You're safe here Ana Banana, please eat some dinner and then try to rest a little. Mr. Steele may I have a word with you out in the hall?"

I watch as Dr. Trevelyan and my Dad walk out the door. I know they are discussing Morton's atrocities. Once again I muse that if I stay here, with Ray, I couldn't protect my mother. Deep down I know that's ironic. Obviously she's not worried about protecting me. I watch the heart monitor screen, and it lulls me back to sleep, hugging my teddy bear close.

A mouthwatering smell wakes my senses before the rest of my body, pizza! Pepperoni and extra pineapple, Ray's favorite. I smile at Trudy, she informs me that Ray just stepped out to the vending machines to get a soda, but Dr. Trevelyan wants me to stick to water, so the caffeine doesn't keep me up. I thank her, but before she gets to the door I ask her if Carla and Mr. Morton were still waiting. She looks guilty, and tells me that they had been asked to leave, and suggest that I should ask my Dad when he returns what happened. Trudy clearly isn't comfortable talking to be about this which only sparks my curiosity but I smile at her. "Are you in pain Ana? You can have some pain medication if you need it." I tell her I am but ask if I can take them after I eat dinner. Ray comes in and smiles at me, "Suppers here! See your old man can cook!" I grin. "I'm pretty sure Trudy dialed the number and placed the order Daddy." He winks at me, "But I told her what to order, that counts!"

With Ray trying to make me feel better, and me trying to keep my blood pressure low, I decided I didn't need to know, or want to know what happened to Mom and Morton, or custody, or school, or moving, or traveling. I just want a quite night with my Dad. I click on the TV and turn it to the sports channel where there is a soccer match on. Trudy enters a few hours later to give me my medications for the night, and I fall into a deep sleep almost instantly.

**CHAPTER SEVEN: **_** A Reluctant New Life in the Making**_

_**June 10**__**th**__** 2005**_

Apparently the justice system works at turtle speed when it comes to situations regarding the safe keeping of a child. I was released in Ray's care while being discharged from the hospital. Apparently a temporary restraining order went into place against Morton on my behalf, with the help of a family practice lawyer, Mr. Blakely, who quite willingly took Rays case pro-bono. Dr. Trevelyan made good on her promise. I don't know how she was able to arrange it in the two days I spent in the hospital but Ray was very appreciative. This hearing is just to resolve my temporary living situation, until the Legal Separation proceedings is completed.

When the adjudicator asked me if I had a preference of which parent I lived with, I answered Ray without pause, while avoiding Carla's eyes. I heard, rather than saw her tears, and it took all my strength not to comfort her. When I finally was able to look at her I noticed that my mother had lost a lot of weight, she looked sickly. I felt a pang of concern. I loved my mother, she hurt me, but she needs me. She has also been codependent, and apparently right now on her own she is not doing well.

I stayed strong with my resolve but it was heart wrenching. I was not permitted to attend the entire hearing so I've spent most of the day studying my SAT tutorial books and playing with my new phone. I have found a new joy in texting with my Aunt Laura.

When the court took a recess Ray and Mr. Blakely took me to a small diner across the street for lunch. My Dad didn't waste time in telling me that Carla had stated, under oath, that she broke off her relationship with Mr. Stephen Morton, and had no prior knowledge of his past history until the restraining order was issued. Unfortunately, Ray didn't believe her, but without proof there was no way to refute it. We looked at each other significantly, but Mr. Blakely reminded us that this is just to determine a temporary place for me, nothing is determined yet. Ray went on to say, she still has every intention of moving to Texas, after receiving a job offer, she felt that she needed a fresh start. But would not be moving to the same town as Morton, nor would she be living with him, and has broken all communication.

"Her denial of a continued relationship with Morton helped her case considerably 'since no one in their right mind would let a child live with that man', those were her words when the adjudicator questioned her, Miss Steele" Mr. Blakely didn't mince words, and treated me as the person I am and not a simple child that isn't able to comprehend the severity of the situation. I appreciated it, but I think my Dad would have rather not heard that. His shoulders slumped.

I replied to Mr. Blakely candidly because I didn't want my Father to lose hope. "My guess is the troll went back to Texas and Carla is waiting until this process is over to join him. My Dad never did tell me what caused Dr. Trevelyan's concern, and I never asked. There are something's one just does not need in their head if it could be avoided. But I know my Mother to well. There is no way she's moving to Texas without a boyfriend or husband, she's to codependent." Ray nodded in agreement but stayed silent.

It's been four hours since the judge recessed and now Ray and I are just waiting on Mr. Blakely to recall us back to the stuffy room for the reveal of my fate, or rather the reveal of my "temporary" fate. He warned us that since Carla is, in fact, my only biological parent it would be difficult to block her from seeing me. It's exhausting to know I have to go through all of this again when the real Legal Separation hearings start. Finally Mr. Blakely finds us to let us now that the judge had come to a conclusion. I begin shaking, and suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to be sick; but I held my head up as high as I could and sat between Mr. Blakely and Ray.

"Mr. Steele, I understand your concern in allowing your only child to live in a home with a convicted sex offender known as Mr. Stephen Morton. However, since becoming aware of this information, Mrs. Carla Steele (née Wilks) has terminated that relationship and is living on her own. The courts sympathize with her concerns of separating from her biological Daughter. We do not like to break families apart so what I am proposing to both of you is shared custody, after a trial run is completed. What I am ordering is we let Anastasia stay with her Mother until the court date set for the legal separation of marriage, with free visitations with Mr. Steele. We can reevaluate the living conditions at that time or sooner if concern arises. Allowing Mrs. Steele's intention to move to Texas, it may be beneficial to Anastasia to become comfortable with her new surroundings before classes, to maintain her academic standards. Mrs. Steele I am denying your petition for parental support, simply because you cannot have it both ways. Ray and Mr. Blakely look at each other with significance that I didn't understand. The judge wasted no time, in sentencing me to a life of pain. I know I'm crying I want to scream at him, but Ray just holds my hand tighter to remind me this is not the place to have an outburst.

"As far as Miss Anastasia's trust fund, that her biological paternal grandparents set up for her, it's clear that these funds can be released to Miss Steele to help pay for her education and other incidental cost that may arise. However I am granting Mr. Steele's request to place the account in a Hold until the legal separation is decreed and is completed and we further know, Miss Steele's needs. I understand that Mr. Steele requested a provision that would prohibit the use of these funds until Miss Steele enrolls in college, however we cannot rewrite the wishes of the deceased and the guardianship of this trust will remain in the custody of Ms. Wilks, but only for the use of Anastasias needs, as originally intended. Once again, this account is on hold until final separation decisions have been completed." I release a sigh of relief. At least I still have college.

But then it hits me and involuntarily I gasp, I understand now why she wants me to stay with her, why she doesn't think I'm "right" for college, and it's not out of love or even concern. She wants access to the money that was going to be future; I look up at Ray pleading. He doesn't look shocked; I suspect he's known all along. I'm so stupid. The judge continues to speak but I can't understand the words. All that matters is he made the decision of handing me over to Carla and probably Morton. I might not be alive on July 12th, 2006 when their Divorce is finalized, but she will still have my money. I have a bitter taste in my mouth I feel so ill. I look at Ray begging him to do something, but he's crying as well, he's so strong, and I know he's breaking apart. So we just hold each other until both our tears subside.

Carla is gloating, and I hate her right now, so I can't even bring myself to acknowledge her. I finally understand what she wants me for, why she's always resented me. Has eluded several times how big of a mistake it was to get pregnant when she did. She doesn't want in my life. She wants my future. She's using me, actually using me; her own daughter for money that was going to pay for my education. I doubt there will be a penny left for me to use. She didn't care that this ploy may put me in danger. The woman is nuts. She has no maternal instinct; part of me knows that it actually has nothing to do with me per se. I am just a pawn that she's using to gain something she's always wanted. This is why she's always been jealous of me. Her first husband's parents left her nothing, but gave me financial stability. She is pathetic and I am disgusted by her.

As Ray and I hugged goodbye, he told me that this was the crux of their divorce. Carla wanted to tap into my funds and he flatly refused. He was providing a comfortable life for us, but Carla had it in her head that this money was a piggy bank she wanted to take a hammer to. Eventually the arguments escalated quickly to fights that turned quite ugly. Of course Carla's infidelity only served as more ammunition; Ray believes that Mr. Morton was actually the mastermind behind it. But that doesn't comfort me. They asked her if her relationship with Mr. Morton had ended, and it was a clear lie. She even smirked at Ray.

**CHAPTER EIGHT: **_** And This is The Way it's Going to Be**_

_**July 20**__**th**__** 2005**_

For a little over a month, my Mother went out of her way to make me "feel at home" in Texas. We lived in a small but comfortable house. Ray visited twice without any complaint from Carla, she was even civil. Morton never showed his face here. But I strongly suspected, with no proof, that she was seeing him. There were hushed calls, closing the screen to her computer when I walk into the room unannounced. It was all suspicious, but sadly unprovable. So when we went back to Montesano to finalize the Legal Separation Hearing, and I was asked again who I wanted to stay with, and I again said Ray. My Mother's lawyer pointed out that all conditions of the temporary arrangement had been made, and my Mother would continue to encourage and support visitations from Ray. Mr. Blakely interjected and asked the court to introduce caseworker supervision to assure these conditions remain met. The judge agreed, but otherwise I was being sent back to a place I hated, without my Dad.

As a final blow, my trust had been released from its hold and in the name of Ms. Carla Steel as executor. The judge reminded her that this money was intended for my needs. With that I knew I'd be returning to Texas, to Morton and to a life of hell. I just had to make it to the first visitation by my caseworker. Could I do it? I really just didn't know. Dark thoughts started then and there before I ever stood up to leave Washington once again. She would have the funds anyway; my future is no longer solid. I have a little longer than two years before I can be on my own. I wasn't confident that I could make it.

As suspected, Stephen Morton was there when we returned, but not to our little home, but to a shabby house a few miles away. I knew when she slipped her cheap engagement ring from Morton back on her finger on the plane. I ignored her attempts to engage in a conversation. I brought a collage frame of pictures of Ray and I doing various things like our trip to Seaside, Disney Land, Last year's father/daughter dance and more. It's only been maybe 11 hours since we spoke but it feels like forever. I resolve to call him tonight.

I sat through a vile dinner not speaking, while Morton and Carla began talking about "big wedding plans". I finish what I could handle to eat and I stand to clear my plate. For the first time Morton addressed me "You are not dismissed from this table girl, until you finish your food. If I knew you'd end up wasting it I would have thrown it out before you had chance to pick through it." Mr. Morton doesn't know or understand my eating habits, and frankly it's none of his business, so I raise an eyebrow at my mother. He has no right to discipline me, and Carla isn't stupid she knows that it would take one call and she would be busted for her role in perjury and my money wouldn't be her in her purse. "Steve sweetie she just can't eat that much, she suffers with a digestion problem you know." _Hmmm… my mom is defending me; interesting._

As I start to hang and fold my clothes I hear a soft knock on the door, and panic. What if it's Mr. Morton, what can I do? Quickly, I hide my precious lock box under a pile of clothes and grab my pepper spray that my Dad insisted I take. I open the door just a crack and breathe out a sigh of relief that it's my mother. It's not like I want to see her either, but at least I'm not afraid of her. "Sweetie, Steve left for work he's on the night shift right now so I thought you and I could catch up!" How can she act like we are long lost best friends? Does she really expect me to be happy with her after she took Ray away from me and delayed my education so I'd have to start college later than I anticipated, if I get to go at all, committed perjury, and after being here for hours she essentially ignored me until Mr. Morton left? She now wants 'catch up'? I open the door wider, and went back to arranging the small living quarters I was given. I note with bitter amusement that she's in the purple pajamas I bought her last Christmas. _Please that's just another manipulation technique__**.**_I am staying silent; I just have nothing to say.

Carla sits on the small bed, dangerously close to my precious lockbox. I know the second she knows about the money. I may as well just hand over my fate. "So Anastasia I'm sure you have all sorts of questions for me… lets go down stairs and have a cup of tea, shall we?" My inner voice is screaming _don't fall for it, she's up to something, don't fall for it!_

"Actually Mom I really would like to get my room put together and get back to studying my SAT books. You did get me registered for school right?" I suddenly panic that she didn't.

"Of course silly girl, you worry too much, in fact I even have your class schedule; schools start so early here. Let me go retrieve it." I watch her as she sashays from my room. I hear a mournful "Meow" coming from my open closet and sure enough Tinky (my mother's calico) is attacking a pair of socks which must be a particularly suspenseful battle. "Stupid cat" I mutter as I pull out more hangers for my clothes. Ray was never able to purchase me expensive designer brands. But what he did buy me I took very good care of. At my last school, in Montesano, a clique of particularly spiteful girls, used to tease me mercilessly, I kept that from Ray. I didn't want to hurt him I knew he was doing the best he could; and I would be damned if he or I would be shamed for it.

Just after hiding my precious locked box on a very high shelf in the closet, my mother enters holding a stack of text books and a folder with a campus map and schedule. At first I thought she was kidding me. Most of these courses I took as a freshman; I would be a junior now in Montesano but here I was considered a sophomore taking college courses. "Mom didn't you give the school a copy of my transcript? I had it sent to you a few weeks ago, remember?" I'm really trying to not let the frustration show, but this is just another example of how Carla works. Women don't need education, because there will always be a big strong man around to take care of them. But that's not me. So I just look at her waiting for an answer.

"Well as a matter of fact I did Anastasia… but after speaking with the administration and guidance counselors, they were afraid you would be disruptive in those courses since this is a new school for you." Again she's lying. Her voice gets high pitched, squeaky and she talks very fast. I wonder if she's even aware that she does that. "We will need to go in together tomorrow Mom, I don't need these courses I took most of them as a freshman, and I've been in American Sign Language since I was in 5th grade, I doubt I'll learn anything useable in ASL 1. Oh, please English Level 2? Are you kidding me? Mom I was taking advanced collegiate level English and Social Sciences when I was a freshman. This schedule is a waste of time, I have to learn things, I could teach these courses" I roll my eyes, of course she doesn't know any of this, I've told her but she never paid attention. "I also need to get registered to take my SATs and enroll in a SAT prep program; I assume we can use some of my trust to pay for that." This wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Fine Anastasia, we can talk to the school, and tell them how you feel you're more qualified to select your courses then your mother, and the professionals that work there. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?"

"Actually yes, Ray and I spoke and, I'd like to take two thousand dollars to purchase a vehicle as you know I've completed my driver's education course. I'm sure that I will have no trouble passing my driver's test and my birthday is in a few months. I don't want to have to burden you by making you drive me places. I know I have plenty of funds that will cover that expense and Ray has agreed to match it as a birthday present." I take a deep breath preparing myself for what I am sure to become an argument but I proceed. "Since the trust fund has become such an issue through the court I decided to become more familiar with how much I have, so I know exactly how much is in there, and I know that there will be plenty left over for any school I'm accepted too. My scholarships alone should pay for my text books for 4 years and I suspect that some college will offer me educational scholarships as well. So I won't need to take a lot out, Mom this money is going to be used to help me build my future, I should have money remaining after I'm done with college, enough to move for a job if I need to, so I will not be tapping into it as a piggy bank. But I will be taking extra interest in it and checking the balance often, I understand the interest alone is significant." I can see her turning puce but she was saved by her cellphone ringing before she has a chance to explode.

"Hello….Laura, that's really none of your concern." _I wonder why my Aunt is calling, as I'm closer to her then my mother. They really have trouble being in the same room together for more than a few minutes but I've never been privy as to why._

My mother's face is turning beet red and she is glaring, "Well Laura, you'll never know what it's like to be a mother because you can't have a baby, but let me just tell you it's not that easy especially when your husband respects your daughter more than you. So yes I walked out on Ray, and I fought for custody for Anastasia. Which, I was granted by the way. (Pause) Well you and Ray have certainly done a lot of talking lately hmm?" I watch as Carla leaves my room and she shut the door but not all the way so I could still hear most of the conversation.

"Steve explained to me the whole thing Laura, he's not a sex pervert it was just a misunderstanding" she pauses, tapping her foot. "Oh really and how can you say that you haven't even met him?"_ She lets out an exasperated sigh. "_Of course this isn't about the money, how could you possibly think that of me?" _(Another lie)_"All those nasty things Ray has told you about me were just vindictive manipulation. But I warn you, she is just as bad as Ray is. She's pulling the: I may have to live here but you can't make me talk bullshit. She doesn't start school soon enough. Fine Laura, Good Night."

She comes back in my room looking fresh as a daisy smiling at me. I roll my eyes and stay silent as she drones on. Carla is examining each piece of clothing carefully; finally she asked if I had any nice clothes. Truthfully the answer is no, Carla never took me shopping, Ray would be miserable taking me, and I just didn't have a passion for it. I like jeans and tees. Carla made the executive decision that I needed a whole new wardrobe to start school with. "Well since your schedule needs to be completely revamped anyway we can go after stopping at the school." I'm just going to chalk all this up as all the birthdays and Christmas she forgot to get me anything, this way I won't feel guilty. If it were Ray doing this I would through a fit.

**CHAPTER NINE: **_** The Unmaking of Me**_

_**July 21**__**st**__** 2005**_

We had an eventful day so far. The school I will be attending seemed to have forgotten that my mother gave them my transcript. _At least that is what she accused them of_. But in the end all was settled and my classes were changed to be more conducive to my skill level. I will start classes August 15th. The one class I didn't change was a cooking course, I had to select an elective and I had a choice between cooking and art. It wasn't a difficult choice. The guidance counselor, Mr. Kevin Miller, who assisted us, was impressed with my academic record. I've carried a 4.0 since middle school, when they actually started to pay attention to grades. I also gave them a list of the scholarships I have already been granted. As well as, several letters from various campuses requesting my attendance to tours. I also told him about the volunteer work I participated in; he suggested local programs that I might be interested in if I wanted to continue with volunteering.

He asked why I didn't participate in more school clubs/group activities. I wasn't sure how to answer but surprisingly Carla stepped up for me. "Anastasia is brilliant Mr. Miller, but she is on the shy side. I know she has no reason to be she's so sweet, and pretty, but she excels on her own so much her Father and I never forced her to participate in anything that would make her uncomfortable when she was so exceptional anyway." Frankly, it was the nicest thing she's ever said about me, and Mr. Miller seemed mollified by it, but he did suggest I take a Teaching Assistant program in English, where I might be asked to grade, tutor students and assist the instructor to which I gleefully agreed.

Carla talked and talked and talked some more until we got to the parking garage at one of the nicer malls in Arlington Texas. The next few hours were a whirlwind, and I hated every last second of it. I only got my way on a few things; 3 pairs of Old Navy jeans that were on sale, and some funky socks that were clearance to .75¢ for a pair. The rest was skirts, and tights, and lacy tops, a few maxi dresses, a jumper and while there I got several new pairs of shoes all on from the clearance racks marked as buy one get one free. I found 2 pairs of different color Khaki capris again on the clearance rack for just $5.99 a pair, finally I found several tops ranging from tees to button downs to cute pull overs all on clearance for $3.99 I hate shopping but I have to admit finding all these great deals did perk me up a bit.

My mother also insisted that I purchase 2 bathing suits, her house (like most homes in her neighborhood) has an in ground pool. Unfortunately, there were no suits in my size left in clearance so we were stuck paying full price. At least Old Navy isn't that expensive. After making our final selections our total bill was $279.87, for as many clothes and shoes we purchased I don't think it was really that bad of deal. I kind of had to admit that shopping might be fun if you have the money to do it.

After our long excursion at Old Navy we decide to grab a bite to eat when I noticed a sporting goods store with pink NFL gear in the window… including a Seahawk hoodie I wish I had my debit card I know this isn't an emergency but I loved it and it made me homesick. My mother smiled indulgently at me and we went in I thought it would be really expensive most hoodies are around $60 but today it was on sale for 50% off plus an additional 15% with a coupon that the store clerk slyly slipped us. "Well Anastasia I'm not sure when you'll be able to wear that here in in Texas but if it makes you happy…" I stop in my tracks. Why wouldn't I be able to wear this when I go back to Seattle? Is she never planning on letting me leave? The judge said visitation was open.

I have kept track of everything that's happened including the fact that Morton is still very much part of her life. I can feel my heart palpitating, and the room start spinning. I took a pill my doctor prescribed to me to take when I started feeling anxious/out of control. Since my trip to the hospital and the bitter custody battle, I've been suffering night terrors along with panic attacks. Dr. Trevelyan suggested I stay in contact with a psychiatrist to help me get through this; Ray dutifully took me for the time I was with him up until the day Carla came to take me. She wouldn't hear anything about it. She said it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. Frankly, I think I need to see someone and soon. I feel like I'm about to implode.

Our last stop was Victoria Secret, my mother said that now that I'm a young woman, it's okay to have nice under garments, just don't let anyone ever see them. I think that was the first time I giggled since Ray and Carla broke the news to me. I nearly died of embarrassment when a woman in her 60's came in for a bra fitting. She then helped me select three bras and several pairs of underwear. Nothing in this store was on clearance and I didn't want to know how much I was spending, but before we made it to the register, my mom decreed that I would also need lotions, perfumes, lip gloss, mascara and other various make-up pieces. I was shell shocked, I don't think I've ever done that much shopping, and I know for a fact I have never ever spent anywhere close to that before.

When we get home my mother says she needs to run to the grocery store for Mr. Morton, and to make myself at home. I decided to take a dip in the pool, so I slipped on my new tank-kini, grabbed a pool towel and stretched out on one of the chaise lounges. The back yard of my mother's home is lovely. Several trees provide natural shade, and it's so peacefully quiet that it would be easy to fall asleep here. Before getting to comfortable, I call Ray.

"Steele Custom Carpentry, Ray speaking"

"HI DADDY!" And just like that I'm sobbing.

"Baby what's wrong? Are you safe? Your scaring me here kid."

"Oh no Daddy I'm okay I guess I just miss you so much I know I just saw you, but it feels like forever."

"Are you alone? Can you tell me what's going on?"

"Yes… well it's no surprise but she was lying about ending her relationship with Mr. Morton, he was there at the airport to drive us home, in fact that's where she is now, she said she had to go to grocery store for him." I am desperately trying to keep my emotions level, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of Morton.

"Your Aunt Laura is worried about you Annie, is anything else going on? She is on your side Annie. I know your mother used to tell you horrible things about Laura, but those things are simply not true." I've never heard Ray verbally defend Laura before, but I had noticed on occasion when my mother brought something up about Laura and she made a nasty comment he would look at me and shake his head, his linguistic way of telling me not to believe a word Carla said.

"Dad do you give Mom money?" It's none of my business but the whole shopping spree thing has me beyond curious.

"Not really Annie, but I gave her about $650 a few months ago to fix her car." He states it as a matter of fact. "Why do you ask?" Tinky meowed for my attention sauntering over, to demand an ear scratch, which I did absently while trying to explain my day with Carla. "She bought me clothes for school, a lot of clothes. I just didn't know she could afford it or not, she said it was an early birthday gift." I know my voice sounds skeptical, and Ray will pick up on it. He knows me well.

"Don't get used to it kid, your mothers forgets Birthdays and Holidays more than anyone I know." I know he's smiling,

"Okay I see, well I'm going to let you go. It's getting late and I want to put my birthday presents away before she realizes she's two months early. I can't lie though, some of the things I got I can't wait to wear." I hate saying good night to him when he's across the continent, but I have to. "Love you Daddy, please stay safe for me. Oh and don't' forget to take out the trash tonight they pick it up tomorrow, the recycling bin to…. Oh and I just bought that coffee you like but you might need to buy some creamer…" I was about to go on but he stopped me and told me he loved me and goodnight

After an uneventful supper of beef-a-roni with Carla, I slip into pajamas and brush my teeth. I wander back to my room and start sorting through the clothes I just received. It's so difficult to choose what I liked best. I have never had this many clothes in my entire life, having that thought instantly makes me guilty. Ray always provided for me. I never needed for anything. But I know that while we bought almost everything off of clearance and sale racks, he wouldn't have been able to buy all this. I'm starting to feel like a pawn again.

As I'm putting clothes away in drawers and hanging garments in closet, I come across a soft pink baby doll dress with delicate lace over lay with a cream belt. This could be cute for my first day of classes, I wonder if my Dad would approve, it's just barely above the knee, I could wear my curly hair up in a billowy bun and I have a pair of cream colored flats that will match the belt perfectly. This is so petty of me, but being petty is easier to deal with then wrap my mind around the circumstances of my life.

**CHAPTER TEN: **_**There Once Was a Girl**_

_**August 15**__**th**__**, 2005**_

As I bounced downstairs into the kitchen, carrying a playful Tinky with me, I was giddy for the school day to begin. It would be the perfect distraction from the depression that I've come to embrace. I was so naïve before my life in Texas. I was sheltered, loved, cared about. It's been a wake-up call, that through my childhood I had a Mother and Father, I only had one parent who knew me. Reality finally settled in after the arduous transition from life in Montesano to Mansfield, when I was pulled from my sleep one night three weeks ago:

"_She's a fucking brat! How could you fucking allow that? Are you as fucking stupid as your goddamned daughter?" I hear Mr. Morton's voice screaming obscenities at my Mother. I have never heard Ray talk to her like that, and I'm afraid. I know he's talking about me, so I must be the cause of his anger but I honestly don't know what I did. I tried to think back to find today's infringement but really it was a peaceful day, Mr. Morton wasn't home and my mother and I stayed in. I spent the day lounging by the pool reading Tess, for the millionth time. _

_I can hear my Mother murmuring but I am unable to make out her words. I look at my alarm clock. 1:48 am. The pitch black darkness of my room was suffocating, but I didn't want to bring attention to myself. Ray has told me to stay clear of Morton, don't provoke Morton, don't speak to Morton unless necessary and be hyper vigilant. I hug my phone to me, wondering if I should call Ray just to hear his voice, I can feel a full scale panic attack blooming in my chest._

_I hear shuffling in the hall, "Leave her be, Stephen it's my fault. I forgot to pick some up today." My Mother is pleading and I am holding my breath praying that he listens to her. I know self-defense, Ray taught me from a young age. But I am frozen and none of his lessons come to mind. "Get out of my way you fat bitch, she's not going to get away with her fucking rude behavior while I'm around, if you and your motherfucking husband didn't baby the bitch so much she wouldn't be so fucking disrespectful." I hear his voice clearer now he's outside my door, and it is opening. _

_The first sensory stimulation was the smell of cigarettes and alcohol, followed sharply by the bright light of my overhead lamp. Mr. Morton looked angry and disheveled. I am too terrified to move. What crime could I have possibly committed to be ripped from my bed at 2am for a berating? I look past him to my Carla, who clearly had been crying, and to my utter horror her cheek looked red and swollen. He hit her. Ray said a man never hits a woman, not ever, it just isn't done. "Well look who's fucking awake past her bed time?" I don't have a bed time, I've never had a bed time I'm so confused I try to maintain eye contact with my Mom, but her eyes are downcast and her shoulders slumped. This isn't the first time I've heard them fight, but this is the first time it's been this explosive. I think the alcohol has intensified his rage. I think he's waiting for me to say something but I can't I just can't. It's like I'm trapped in my body screaming for help. I'm not even sure I'm breathing now, I'm not sure of anything except that I want my Daddy._

_He grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes, my whole being protesting. "You show my some fucking respect you little bitch." His voice wasn't loud or even angry now. It was even scarier than the screaming. "If I find out you ever take something of mine again, without fucking asking, I'll show you what little girls are good for." He pulled me from my small bed and shoved me in my own closet, which is quite small, and filled with clothes. I've had this punishment before but this time it felt more sinister, darker, I was terrified I cradled my knees in my arms and rocked back and forth, as he slammed the door shut. I hear him slide my chair under the knob, effectively locking me in. _

_The hardest part about this punishment is time. I have no sense of it. I don't know if I have been here for hours or minutes. Urges for food or drink had to be ignored. The natural need for the bathroom is completely forbidden by my subconscious. The only engagement was with Tinky who was clearly disturbed by evidence of her mewling that I didn't open the door for her. She slips her paws in the door crack, asking for reassurance I was okay, or so I want to believe. I don't know if I have fallen asleep, but when I finally hear the chair being removed from the door, I notice light coming in from the space between the floor and door. My Mother opened the closet door slowly, making to put away some clothes. "Anastasia, what are you doing in here?" my Mother avoided eye contact, but she asked the question with a tone suggesting that she didn't expect me to answer. I was taken aback by it; I didn't know what to say. She knows why I'm here. She saw Mr. Morton do this. She heard what he said to me. She was in the room. I gape at her. When she turns I see her cheek starting to bruise, and I gasp. "Mom your face?!" I feel like I may be sick. She left Ray for this life? I need my phone I need Ray. _

"_Oh, this? I'm such a klutz, just like you. I slipped on the patio." Her voice is so nonchalant; I almost question my own sanity. She's wearing her hair down, which is not common of my mother, I assume it is a failed attempt to hide the injury. She's also dressed in her work clothes. I quickly glance at the clock its 4:30pm. It's been 14 ½ hours since the late night confrontation. I'm still unsure of what I've done but I'm too afraid to ask. Putting socks in my underwear drawer, she tells me that I will be on my own for the evening. I breathe a sigh of relief. "Anastasia, in the future if you have to use the last of the milk, please ask first. I forgot to pick some up last night and when Mr. Morton came home from work and he wanted some with his dinner… It's not a big deal, just be a bit more considerate okay?" she is talking so calm and controlled, almost cheerfully. _

_That's when it hit me. I had cereal, I used the last bit of milk… my mom has a bruised purple and black face, and I spent the night locked in a closet because I had milk on my cereal. I didn't know what emotion I was feeling. Anger, guilt, sadness all mixed together. I wanted to hug my Mother embrace her and beg my forgiveness, but when I made the move to touch her she stepped back. Her sweet voice from moments before was replaced by a cruel crackle. "You're so inconsiderate after all we've done for you. If you could just try harder, you'd make all our lives better." With that she exited my room, I hear her grab her keys and slam the front door shut. _

Since that day, I have barely spoken. I eat only when I'm alone and no matter the craving I never take the last of anything. I would never lie and say I wasn't worried about my new school. But I was looking forward to the 8 hours of peace I knew it would bring. I wander into the kitchen frozen in place by the fact that both my Mother and Mr. Morton were at the table. Mr. Morton was reading the paper, the want ads more specifically. He had lost his job at a warehouse after 4 weeks. My mother, still dressed in her work uniform was eating toast with jam. "I've already put water on for your tea and there is some toast there for you." She smiles at me, I attempt to smile back but I know I've failed because her eyes drop. "All ready for school?" I understand she's trying to make polite conversation but I'm scared that I may something to set Mr. Morton off. I don't want to go to classes with a black and blue face like my mother had to endure at work for a week after the big milk disaster.

I sat Tinky down at her food dish, where she purred in appreciation of my service. "Um, yes… my SAT prep starts tonight to so I won't be home until 6 or so…" I know she already knew this, but I couldn't think of anything better to say. I fixed my tea and ate it with dry toast at the counter. "Well just call when you're done I can pick you up tonight." I already knew this too, but I think she would prefer repetitious conversation to uncomfortable silence. "You look nice today. Is that one of the new tops we bought?" she seemed genuinely interested so I nodded looking down at myself and feeling suddenly uncomfortable with my selection, but it would do. In an instant Mr. Morton's vile breathy voice changes my mind, "Your little boobs are showing; are you trying to get knocked-up or an education today." The room suddenly filled with bitterness. I blush profusely, my mother's smile slipped and she looked down, just once I'd like her to defend me but I know she can't.

I abandon my meager breakfast and run to my room to change my clothes. Deciding to keep my blue jeans and shoes I put on a white button up eye-lit blouse with cap sleeves, I decide to wear a bra after all. I leave the room to retrieve my backpack, which I studiously organized the night before. I glance at Carla through the arch to the kitchen, I didn't want to have to go back in and face more judgment from Mr. Morton, catching my eye she nods slightly. "I'll be home soon baby" she coo's to Mr. Morton who in turn makes no acknowledgment to her departure. I turn to walk out to my mom's SUV and slip in the front seat.

We sit in silence for the 10 minute trek. We haven't really had a conversation since she was assaulted by Morton. I have even stopped talking to Ray every day, not because I wanted to, but because I wasn't sure I could protect my mother's secret from him. I know he would intervene, and I was terrified he would up hurt by Morton as well. I only occasionally replied to text from Aunt Laura, I felt more comfortable in my silence then the possibility of slipping up. I only had to make it to October 1st. Then I could be freed. At night in the safety of my own thoughts I wanted to beg, my mother to just leave now and I would promise to stay with her, but I knew instinctually I was second. I couldn't handle the rejection I was sure she would give me, and I was afraid of the repercussion if she told Morton I had asked.

My first day of school last year, I was happy. Really happy, my dad and I spent many weekends in the woods of the Cascade Mountains and worked every day at the shop with Ray. I felt refreshed heading into high school. Though I was shy, and didn't have friends, I had confidence in my intellect and I knew I had people at home who loved me. Today, I'm a new person. I'm scared, edgy and defeated. I don't feel confident at all. I don't know what the evening would bring, or what new horrors I'd face with Morton. My only constant companion was Tinky, she too is apprehensive around Morton, being kicked and cursed as often as I have. _Great! I am a book nerd and my only friend is a calico with a stupid name. Can anyone say 'single forever'?" _Today's comment about my breast wasn't his first. My dad would kill him if he knew the suffering I was in, but he couldn't know. I had to protect Ray, I couldn't protect Carla she had made up her mind; she chose this life. I didn't, but I suffered it all the same.

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: **_**A Welcomed Distraction**_

_**August 15**__**th**__**, 2005**_

As we pull to the side walk off the campus, I thanked her for the drive. I pull my cell phone from my pack and made sure it was turned off. I doubted anyone would call or text, but I didn't want to be the girl who got her phone confiscated on the first day. I followed the river of students to a wide hall that held individual lockers. As I scan the locker numbers to find my own, I bump into a tall girl, and at first glance I could tell wasn't going to be friendly. She turned with a glare, and she looked me up and down like I was an oddity, which maybe I am. "I'm s-sorry, I wasn't… I wasn't paying attention." I stammered and blushed she rolled her eyes at me and turned back to her own locker. I heard her say "Freak" under her breath but I choose to ignore it. I've been called worse lately.

As the time was dwindling down, I still hadn't been able to locate my locker, so I sat out to find my first class, which was easily located. It was in an annexation of the main building, it housed ten kitchen stations and several round tables with chairs. There wasn't a traditional teacher's desk, but a corner with a computer and various cook books were scattered. I was the first and only one here. Briefly I entertained that I had the wrong room or time, but glancing at my schedule I was reassured I was in the right spot. My backpack was full of my text books and binders. I breathed a sigh of relief when I was able to drop it to a chair, and sat to occupy the one next it. I glanced at my watch again there was only a minute before class is scheduled to start. I was convinced now that I was indeed in the wrong place. Perhaps there was an assembly the first day; I wasn't told about it but maybe they just assumed I'd figure it out for being a supposed smart kid?

Just as I was about to leave to find the main office, an elderly women casually dressed in a pink blouse and khaki skirt and a full blue apron appears. Wing-tipped glasses hang from a metal chain around her small neck. She was my height, with short white hair and beautiful laugh lines surrounding her plump face. "OH! Hello there!" she seemed surprised to see me; I offer a small smile, not exactly sure why she wasn't expecting me. "You must me Anastasia Steele, oh my goodness! I am so happy to have you here this semester! Thank you for being on time! Just for that I'll award you the opportunity to pick your study group!" She says quite cheerfully, "The rest of the class will be along in a moment or two. Tell me Anastasia why cooking?" It's been so long, so very long that I've had an actual face-to-face conversation with someone I was comfortable with. I begged myself not to become emotional but the genuine delight of the women in front of me was overwhelming. I know from her reading her biography on the school website that she is one Mrs. Brigetta Nelson. She retired from her career as a college English Professor, and returned to work in the slower pace environment of High School Home-Ec.

"Mrs. Nelson, please call me Ana." I offer her the most genuine smile I've had in what seems like months and continue with my class selection confession, "Honestly?" She nodded encouragingly. "I have no particular interest in art. My mother try's, but she's not much of a cook and my dad's idea of a wholesome meal comes from a pizza box. Also, I don't have much of an affinity for eating; I thought maybe learning to cook would help." I suddenly wonder if I gave away too much, her demeanor just allowed me to let my walls slip; but her reassuring smile set me at ease.

"So neither of your parents is a cook? Maybe that's why you don't like food! I love food as you can tell." She pats her full belly, but I think she's lovely. "Where did you move from Ana?" As I start to answer a sudden burst of voices and energy come through the double doors. Several boys my age or older stopped by Mrs. Nelson to offer a hug of kiss on the cheek before claiming a chair, I was rather surprised at the level of clear affection; I'd never seen a student/teacher interaction like this before.

I moved my pack in front of me gauging that all chairs would be needed. A tall blond kid skipped to a halt in front of Mrs. Nelson and embraced her soundly lifting her from the floor and sweeping her in a circle. She giggled, and swatted his butt; since he was the last one in he sat next to me offering a smile, with a look as though he was asking a question. But instead of asking me, he addressed Mrs. Nelson, "Grammy, since when do you allow girls in here?" This only brought the attention of several of the male only students to me, I felt my cheeks heat and looked down. "Bradly, don't embarrass Ana!" she chided. "Excuse my Grandson Ana, this class is usually filled with the football team; you took the only remaining place." She smiled at me like I won an award but truthfully I was reconsidering art. I didn't need to move my head to know that everyone was looking at me. The familiar feeling of mockery was teasing me; I decided to remain silent but gave a small nod. She seemed to see my discomfort so she quickly made introductions and began speaking to the class syllabus, distracting attention from me finally.

As class was coming to an end Mrs. Nelson appeared to have a "eureka" moment, "Oh Ana, just so you are aware, as everyone else here knows already; this will be your "Home Room" whenever there's an announcement to meet this will be where you head, alright?" I can't help but smile, I've never known grandparents but she seems so loving and thoughtful, she personifies my idea of "grandmother". "Do I have any volunteers to escort Miss Steele to her next class? She's so new here; we wouldn't want her to get lost would we?" Bradly shushes the sudden commotion, which I'm not entirely sure the cause of, by asking what I had next. I looked around to the 19 male eyes on me and I blushed and mumbled "Physics" in a small voice. "Me too, I won't let you get lost. Good enough Grammy?" Mrs. Nelson looked pleased and excused us a few moments before the bell. Bradly gives me a questioning look as I haul my bag from under the table. "Couldn't find your locker, could you?" Bradly correctly assumes, I shake my head but I remain my normal a silent self. "Don't worry no one can their first day. Freshmen start a week early just to learn the way around here. What's the number?" He isn't being intrusive his voice is more indifferent, so after I tell him my locker number. He walks me straight to it. When I'm finally relieved of the extra books, I follow aside him in comfortable silence to out next class.

Mr. Wilton is a short pudgy middle aged man, with a solid horseshoe of hair. He wears khaki pants and a peach dress shirt with his shirtsleeves rolled to the elbow and black suspenders. I like him instantly, just as I liked Mrs. Nelson. Mr. Wilton smiled at me significantly as if to tell me, "I know who you are", but seemed to be waiting until the bell rings to introduce himself. I take a brief moment to familiarize myself with the surroundings; the class room had two rows of long tables towards the front of the room. Each table sits 3 students. The back of the room looked like a typical science lab room with 15 stations in 3 rows of 5. I didn't take much effort in my seat selection as I sit in the middle chair on the first row. Surprisingly Bradly took the seat next to me. I expected him to ditch me after completing his assigned task, but it appears he's taking the job seriously.

"So are you a Junior or Senior Ana?" Bradly startles me by asking me a question. Innocent as it is, I feel the familiar blush in my cheeks and curse silently to myself that someone who was an ass couldn't have walked me to class. "Neither, I'm a sophomore."

"And you're in this class? Who did you piss off?"

"Um, no one? I don't think… I would have been a Junior at my last school, But this district doesn't allow early graduation." I answer. A whole new wave of bitterness hits. I've been set back an entire year because of this stupid Carla rebellion.

"So you're what 16?"

"Next month I'll be 16."

"Are you one of them gen-us-is, I've heard about?" I smile at his intentional mispronunciation. But I shake my head, "No, I just read… a lot."

"You read about Physics?"

"I read just about anything."

Before he could reply the tall girl I ran into earlier walks in the room, I inwardly groan, of course she'd be in one of my classes. I am surprised when she stops in front of me; I try to make myself as small as possible, fearing a verbal lashing. But thankfully she directs her attention to Bradly. "Hello Brad, where were you this weekend? Everyone was waiting on you."

"Lindsey. I had things to do." He answered curtly, I was trying hard not to eavesdrop by opening to a random page in my textbook, but because of his close proximity it was difficult. A boy I recognize from cooking came behind Lindsey and shot his eyebrows up, in silent communication, with Brad, he placed his text book on the other side of me, successfully filling our row.

"Well Brad, don't you think it's time we get over everything? I've been patiently waiting for an apology…" she glances at the row and frowns "Why don't I take this seat here" she patted the table in front of me, "and we can start fresh." I start to gather my things, but Bradly halted me. "You don't have to move Ana, Lindsey can find another seat. She wouldn't want you to be put out." I could tell by his tone of voice that I was being utilized as a payback but I remained in my seat. Ignoring Lindsey and Brad as their voices lower and they start snapping back and forth.

"My name is Austin, that's Lindsey, total bitch ignore her, and you've met Brad, not a bitch but ignore him to, as clearly I am better looking." His accent his much more exaggerated then I've heard before but he's goofy smile encourages me to stay rooted in place.

"I'm Ana; nice to meet you Austin." I offer a small smile but the situation with Lindsey I can tell is just going to cause me a headache. I've known girls like her my entire life. Girls, who hate you without knowing you and feed off your insecurities and shortfalls. It appears that I had hoped in vain to avoid that conflict here in Mansfield. I guess it's a situation that will plague me everywhere. Lindsey has relocated herself to the back of the room, sitting next to a sour faced girl who is scowling the back of my head.

I had already decided that I was not going to make friends or other connections here, as I intend to be back in Montesano as soon as possible, but the realization that I'm already hated here made me think…"_God, I miss Tinky."_

**CHAPTER TWELVE: **_**Lessons **_

**August 26****th****, 2005**

Who would have thought two weeks ago I would be happy at school? Definitely not me, but the first day flew by with Brad and Austin taking me under their wing. We were physics partners, cooking partners; I was tutoring Austin in English and taking SAT prep with Brad. Being the only girl in a cooking class was at times overwhelming, especially when the class was full of teammates who have been playing together since diapers. I quickly learned that Football is a lifestyle in Texas, and though I've only been to 2 games and sat by Mrs. Nelson on the bleachers I really enjoyed it. I consider Austin and Brad friends. I eat my lunch with them and other teammates, and somehow along the way they broke through my barriers and my shyness started slipping away. Maybe it was because I spent so much time with my Dad that I just relate better with boys than girls, but whatever the reason the girls all seem to hate me.

I learned quickly that Lindsey and her clique didn't appreciate the attention I was receiving. I never knew what the backstory to Lindsey and Brad was, because it was never my business to ask. But, because of our association I became hated by nearly all the girls in school. Very few would speak to me, and even fewer were kind. I suspected Brad and Austin sheltered me from a lot of their vitriol spewing, but I could still feel the effect. Incidentally, Lindsey of course lives on my street. If I walk to or from school I have to pass by her house. She or one of her minions was always there to taunt but I always kept my eyes forward and listened to my earbuds.

Mrs. Nelson dropped me after tonight's football game; I came home bouncy from the excitement of the second win. I stopped in the kitchen and grabbed an apple. I went to the living room to tell my mother goodnight, "Hey Mom I just wanted to say goodnight before I went up to…." I didn't finish because of instead of finding my mother. I found Morton with his legs spread on the couch, with a woman on her knees in front of him, her head bobbing up and down. I turned to run to my room, disgusted. I tripped on the stair and he caught me before I could put the chair under the door. "You interrupted me you little bitch." He slapped me across the face with the back of his hand. "I think you're going to be the one to help me finish since I didn't get it done before your ugly ass walked in."

I knew what he meant. I also knew that his pants were undone and I that I had never really been afraid before now. He pulled my hair to the bed. Inside I was screaming for him to stop but I just couldn't get words out. I wish I had my phone, I wish I had anything, but I had nothing. I knew what was going to happen and I had nothing to stop him. I thought of Ray, how Ray would kill him, how Ray would find out, he would kill Morton and then go to jail. Ray… my daddy. He taught me how to fight back. I've never had to, but he taught me to think. I knew how to place my hand I knew where to position my feet. I knew how to kick Morton's perverted ass. First I kicked out with my knee to his groin, but it wasn't enough to stop him but it slowed him down long enough to call me a whore, and that was all the time I needed to put my entire weight in my hand and break his nose. I only had a moment to rejoice in the satisfying crunch my hand created with his nose.

He left the room calling me horrible names I slammed the door shut and shoved the chair under the door handle. I was safe, for now. But I didn't have a way to escape. I didn't have my phone leaving it in my bag in the kitchen. I was emotionally wrecked I searched frantically for my pill bottle, that I hadn't needed in a while. I would have given anything to call Ray and go home, but I just didn't have the courage to chance finding a phone. I knew I'd never make it out the window, and I had no idea when my mother would be home, or what would happen once she was. I spent the night agonizing over what was going to happen. I threw up in my trash can, but I refused to sleep fearing that he'd find a way in.

Angrily I pull out a notebook to catalog my thoughts. Something my psychologist recommended the words poured onto the page almost by their own volition. I didn't stop to consider the ramification of each thought I just wanted them out. By the end I noticed I had written a pretty accurate list, the nerd in me notes how even in my trance like state I wrote like I was writing out a prospectus rather than a hate filled list. I sigh and read it over…

Tell Carla everything

Pornography watching / Sexual innuendos / Assault on 8/12/2005 / Unwelcome Guest

Tell Ray everything

Troll: (a.k.a. Morton)

Boob comments

Porn

Couch blow jobs by unknown people

Rape threat

Slap

Mom's assault

Late night fights

Alcohol

Carla

Mood swings

Indifference

Lack of protection

School debacle

School

Mrs. Nelson, Brad and Austin

Football

SAT Prep

The list continues, but I stop myself short, when I get to school. I had caught myself grinning. How can this be? After everything that happened tonight, I still was happy with school. I suddenly remember that I vowed I would not make personal connections to this place, just for this reason. When I leave; and I WILL leave, I will be leaving behind people I've unwittingly come to consider friends, and care about. I threw the notebook back in my desk and cried. I cried for my dad, I cried for the mother I once knew, I cried for what happened tonight, I cried for Washington and the beautiful vistas, I cried for the carpentry store and the smell of sawdust. I cried for Austin, and the Nelsons. I cried until I had nothing left in. I was a shell again.

In the early light of dawn, I heard my mother come home. I wouldn't dare leave my room until she came to me; which didn't take long. I heard hurried footsteps approach my door, the handle starting to move violently as she pushed against the chair that was offering the only bit of protection I had. "Anastasia Rose you open this fucking door now!" I gasped for air. I couldn't talk to her like this. She was angry at me. She would never believe what happened. "Open the fucking door Anastasia, you've fucking succeeded, Steve has left me, because of you. So if you EVER want to see Ray again you will open this goddamned door!"

"Do you swear he's not here? Do you promise?" I know she's telling the truth she wouldn't be so violently angry if she were lying.

"Yes Anastasia, you and your fucking father have won, I'm alone, and I'll always be alone because of you!"

I didn't want to but the sadness in her voice, and the promise that Morton had left compelled me to trust her and open the door.

She stared at me for minutes before saying anything. Her hand reached out to my face but I flinched and backed away to the bed curling myself in the fetal position holding the teddy bear I've had since my hospital stay. She looked down. "Did he hit you?"

"Yes." I was going to be honest with her but, I was only going to offer one worded answers, any more than that I was afraid of. I didn't want her to think I was lying, it would kill me. I didn't want her to hate me, though I suspected she already did. And I really didn't want to relive any of last night's horrors.

"Did he do anything else to you?"

"Yes…"

"Did… did he… oh God… Ana. What happened please tell me baby?" She fell to the floor sobbing, I couldn't make out all her words but I know she was begging me for forgiveness.

"Mom, I came home from the game. I thought you were here, so I went into the living room to tell you goodnight. But, you weren't there." I took a shuddered breath. I looked at her and she nodded for me to continue. I called upon my inner "Ray" to have the strength I needed to be honest with her. "He was with a woman, I don't know who, I didn't get a good look at her." I frantically looked at my mother but she didn't seem surprised by this revelation. "He… he, had his pants down, so I tried to run to my room, I was going to lock the door with my chair and wait for you, but he…" I start to shake and I feel so cold I burrow into the blankets. "He caught me and said that he was going to finish what I interrupted. So I broke his nose. I don't know what happened after that, he left my room and I put the chair underneath the door. I didn't sleep. Tinky hasn't been out either… she probably needs to go outside."

I wait for what seemed hours before I broke my gaze with my mother who still was slumped on my bedroom floor. Finally she spoke and it broke down the wall that I had created since the day she and Ray sat me down at the breakfast table on my last day of school.

"Anastasia, I messed up. I didn't love and protect you like a mother is supposed to. I should have listened to Ray, but I didn't I just looked for the first escape and took it. I took you with me and I am sorry for that. I DO love you. I know I haven't shown it, but I swear Anastasia, this is it. From now on you will come first. We can have a fresh start here. Just you and I. Steve, won't be back. He left me a text saying that he was going to Jacksonville, because of you. But I know better I knew when I got the message that something had happened. I didn't want to believe it. I just didn't want to admit to Ray and Laura how they were right, and I was… as usual selfish and wrong. Please let me hold you, I love you so much."

Slowly I unwrapped myself. We spent the hours that day in my small bed, holding each other and crying making promises of trust, restarts and honesty. I'd never felt more connected to her, I never felt so loved by her. I never felt so trusting of her, or as vulnerable. Maybe we could make this work.

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: **_**The Short Life of Contentment**_

_**August 28**__**th**__**, 2005**_

"You are ridiculous it's 9:45pm on a Sunday before a test, and you haven't opened the book yet?" I rolled my eyes at the frantic voice on the phone.

"Come on Ana help a guy out here! 'sides not like I'm as bad as Mr. Nelson, bet he doesn't even have his book." Austin argued vehemently.

"You're worse than Brad he called _last_ night freaking out." I giggled.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure he called on a Saturday night for help on his physics homework he finished last week during lunch." Austin always alluded to a romantic attraction between Brad and me but it just wasn't there. I am so used to it now it doesn't even faze me.

"I think he was studying for the test. Wait… now you're saying you _haven't_ done the homework either?"

"Oh, Ana-Be-Damned, just tell me what I'm doing here." I finally pull my homework out and start working through the assignment with him on the phone. After an hour, I promised to meet him in the cafeteria before classes, he declared passing the test was more important that football practice, rationalizing he'd be benched from the game anyway if he didn't pass it.

Austin always provided the comic relief to my life; he has one older, and one younger brother their names our Houston and Dallas, respectively. Houston was already attending Texas A&M, while Dallas was a freshman who I believe suffers from A.D.D. or something because he's always moving, talking or fidgeting. He and Austin were very close. Never having a sibling, I was always entertained by their banter. Bradly was an only child, but in some way or form was a relation to most of the school. Mrs. Nelson had 7 children, who all had at least one child and the entire family stayed in Mansfield. I quickly learned that Mrs. Nelson was a school favorite. She participated in all the clubs and went to every game. The school loved her.

I decided it was still early enough to call Ray so I did just that. Hearing his voice no matter my mood always seemed to soothe me. I kept my promise to Carla and never told him about the night everything changed, except that he was no longer around. "Annie! You haven't called your old man in days! I was starting to think you forgot me!" his voice was joking but just the idea that he could think that hurt my heart. "Oh Daddy, I'm sorry it's school, I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday I have a big physics test I got caught up studying." I hear him chuckle on the other end, our calls are always short both of being taciturn, but I never go more than I day without checking in with him. I told him how I was starting to get into the swing of things, that Carla has been much better. I told him that I still wanted to come home; I will always want to be back with Ray. Although, my relationship with Carla is stronger now than ever, I often feel like our roles are reversed. She can be emotionally draining, she is obsessed with finding a new man, and I just can't relate with her on that. I don't know why she thinks she has to be in a relationship to be happy. I hope I am never that way. I didn't have to tell Ray all this in so many words, he knows Carla better than anyone.

"Get some sleep Annie, I'll be in Seattle for the next few days working on some ritzy-ditzy house, but I'll carry this damned phone with me." Like me Ray is not technology inclined.

"Love you Daddy!"

"Oh Annie, I love you too. I'll talk to you real soon."

My mother still wasn't home from work; she was able to change her shifts so she was home with me at night. But sometimes she was as late as 11, and I didn't like to go to bed without seeing her. I just need to make sure she's okay. I decided to make her, a quick bite to eat when she got home. I hear her car in the drive as I'm slicing a pickle to add to her sandwich. "Oh you thoughtful girl… you should be in bed you have a test in the morning." Carla scolded me without real emotion. I smile and tell her I'm going now, I just needed to make sure she had something to eat.

The next morning, I got up early to make my promised time with Austin, I found my mom sitting in front of the computer still in her work clothes. "Mom?" she hummed at me, "Is everything alright, did you go to sleep?" She huffed and gritted her teeth. "I am the adult her Anastasia I don't need you tell me its bedtime!" I step back it was like she slapped me she hadn't talked to me like that since that night… I thought we had forgiven each other. "I have to be at school early… I'm sorry I forgot to tell you last night." I stammered I didn't want to fight so I was trying to sound contrite but I really was confused, it's been weeks since I had to puzzle out what I had actually done wrong.

"Take the car, I'm busy." She snapped at me.

"Mom I don't have my license yet… I can't drive. I'll walk." I held up my hands and left to retrieve my pack.

"Don't fucking guilt trip Anastasia; get in the fucking car, so I can drive you to fucking school. Like a good fucking parent should." Her anger was a flash and I was worried about her. Only when we were in the confines of her Explorer did I smell the alcohol. She swerved in and out of traffic I prayed we would be safe but I was more concerned about after she dropped me off. She hadn't had a drink in a while. I was thankful that the early start meant less traffic, but I couldn't seem to find my courage to confront her. When we pulled up to the school I thanked her, but she just glared at me.

I was still shaken when I met with Austin, but I was quickly distracted by the school day. It wasn't until I got home that I started to panic.

My Mother usually dropped me off at school and Brad typically took me home on the afternoons we had SAT prep classes, because my mom would still be at work. If he had practice, I would walk home. It had become a normal routine. Mondays and Wednesdays we had prep; Fridays there was always a Football game. Mornings always started with Mrs. Nelson and me working on more complex recipes, until the Football team came in 15-20 minutes late, given time to shower after their morning practice.

Today on the way to my house, Brad asked if I could help him with his English paper, if my mother didn't mind. I sent her a text to ask but she didn't reply. She knows Brad well, so I didn't think she'd have a problem with it, she just had me worried from this morning. I didn't know what kind of mood she would be in. Deep inside I also wanted to hide the fact that mother had problems. If she was drinking today, I wouldn't be able to do that and it scared me. Her Explorer wasn't in the drive so I invited Brad in.

We grabbed a soda, and sat at the table before setting in on the project. "Ana, did you see this? I didn't mean to snoop but it was sitting here. I'm sorry." I took the paper from his hand, noticing his blush.

"_Anastasia… I'll be out of town for a few days. I didn't think to get your PERMISSION first so I hope you don't ground me when I get back. – Mom (that adult)"_

I looked at Brad, I was mortified I knew I was red with blush, but I was trying so hard not to cry. That I had my eyes squeezed shut.

"Ana, are you okay?" Brads concerned voice pushed me over and tears started to fall. I told him everything, from the conversation in June, to the hospital, the doctor that was so kind. I told him how I begged to stay with Ray. How Carla lied about Morton. The night he assaulted her and the night he assaulted me. It took two hours of me talking nonstop, but I finally purged everything from my mind and sighed in an exaggerated relief. It was like taking a thousand years off me. "You should call Ray, Ana. He needs to know, I'll stay right here with you okay? Let me just call my Grammy, she'll talk it over with my parents." I nodded.

"Hi, Grammy… Yeah? Grammy I'll be over this weekend to mow the lawns…. Of course, not. I do it because I can and I love you." He paused and looked at me making sure, I think, that I hadn't started another series of tears. "Grammy I'm calling because I'm worried about Ana." There was a long pause, "Yeah, I know all that… I'm actually with her now. I think we need to call her Dad. Looks, like her Mom left her." I hear a shriek on the other end of the line. "I'll ask… Ana, can you talk to my Grammy?" I reluctantly nodded, I wasn't used to having someone take over a situation but I also found relief in it.

"Mrs. Nelson?" I knew my voice was thick from the crying but I was trying to stay calm.

"Ana! Oh Love, tell me what's going on, please… it will just be between you and me I want to help." She sounds so sincere, but so did my mother when she said I was going to be first in her life. I was hesitant, but with gentle encouragement I gave her the gist of the situation. She agreed that I needed to call Ray, and she insisted that Bradly stay with me until she could get there. Later, I would learn Mr. Nelson, was in hospice care so leaving him after being away at school all day was difficult.

Brad pushed my phone to me, "Call him."

I put him on speaker, not because I wanted Brad to be in the conversation, I just needed his support in case I couldn't get it all out.

"Annie! How is my beautiful baby girl?" He always seems so jovial when I call, I am so afraid of how he's going to react, but he has to know I can't wait for a caseworker, I can't wait for Morton to come back, or even wait for my mom to return.

"Uh – Dad, I have to tell you something… but it's a lot, and I'm scared. Not of you! I'm scared because I don't want to hurt you and I don't know what to do." I gasp.

"Annie, what's wrong, what happened? Is it that Morton? I swear to God I'll kill him if he laid a hand on you." I look at Bradly for reassurance, killing him is exactly what I'm afraid of.

"Please, daddy… I need you. Please listen to everything and then tell me what to do." I continue giving him the same detail to Ray as I did Brad before. He surprised me with his coolness when I told him about the night after the football game. He just listened. Finally when I had told him everything, he spoke.

"Annie, I'll be there by morning. Keep your cell phone with you and lock-up. If Carla comes home or Morton shows up, call the police. I'll be there baby; I am going to take you home. Pack your things; I'm not letting you go through another night, like this. Let me call that Blakely and I'll get me ass to you. Love you Annie."

Sometime during the call Brad had retreated outside and ordered a pizza, pepperoni with extra pineapple, ironically. "My Grammy will be here in a few hours one my aunts in going to stay the night with him when she gets off work." I don't know what to say so I just nod. "Let's watch some TV, something to make you laugh…" The show did make me laugh it was ridiculous. I don't know how I managed to find laughter tonight but there it was. I felt a pang in my heart. Brad was one of the only friends I've ever had and I wasn't going to see him again, if everything went _right_. "Hey, don't look like that." He whispers to me.

"Look like what?"

"Look like you've lost your best friend."

"I'm going too… When I'm back in Washington, I won't see you or Austin. I've never had better friends then you." Tears start to fill my eyes but I refuse to acknowledge them. "Even though, I had to go through all of this, you and Austin… you were always there for me. You made me laugh; going to school was such a welcome break from reality here at home. I'll miss that, I'll miss you." Before I knew what was happening I was being kissed, sweetly, without presumption or force. My first kiss and it will be tainted by the memory of today. When he pulled away, our eyes were still locked. "I'll miss you to Ana, more than you'll ever know." A sharp knock at the door brought us back to the present and I started to shake. It was late, there is no way Ray could be here by now… I was terrified. Bradly went to the window and let out a sigh.

"Shit." I'd never heard Brad curse before; it wasn't gentleman like he would chastise his teammates for cursing in front of me frequently. "It's Lindsey."

He opened the door, "What do you want Lindsey? Ana and I are studying."

"Well I tried to call but you didn't answer, and I saw your car… I was sure you wouldn't mind me stopping by I couldn't possibly be interrupting anything important." I didn't see her, but her voice was filled with fake sweetness. I rolled my eyes.

"I didn't answer, because I'm with Ana, studying." He talked in deliberate tones as if she were slow. For all I knew she was.

"Well, you tell your little Ana; that the whole school will know by morning just how much studying you were doing." She was vicious, I just had my first kiss, and she was going to call me a slut? I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a girl in my lifetime.

I hear another car pull into the drive, "My Grammys here, Lindsey it's time for you to leave."

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: **_**Unsaid Goodbye's**_

_**August 29**__**th**__**, 2005**_

Mrs. Nelson helped me pack my belongings; she had Bradly run to her home to pick-up a pet carrier for Tinky. We decided that even diva calico's need a safe home. This wasn't. I smiled at her concern for my cat, she reminds me of the doctor who let me eat Peanut M&M's a few months ago, with her gentleness and concern. I didn't sleep that night I kept my phone in hand waiting for Ray. When I tried calling it went straight to voicemail, so I assumed he was on a flight here. I just hoped he made it here before anyone else. Mrs. Nelson kept me from total depression by telling me antics of her children and grandchildren. She confided that Bradly was the biggest troublemaker when he was little. He and Austin friends since birth apparently were almost in some sort of trouble for their antics. I smiled at her but it wasn't with heart she held my hand for the longest time. When Brad came back with the carrier, Mrs. Nelson sent him home.

I hugged him goodbye, he made me swear to call when I got back to Montesano. It was the one promise I would try to keep.

I was silent for a long time, sipping my tea at the table with Mrs. Nelson clucking over me. "You know Ana, sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is to let them on their own. I know you love your mother. I'm sure you're feeling guilty because you're leaving her. But sweetie, she left a long time ago. You just have to let her find her way back. If she does, then you'll have a relationship you can trust. If she doesn't, well then sweet girl at least you'll have your Daddy." She nodded to the window a car had pulled up to the drive and Ray exited as soon quickly as possible.

I opened the door ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. I was sobbing again, but with relief mostly, I didn't notice the second man emerging from the car until Ray set me back down on the stoop. Mr. Blakely looked as professional as ever, I never in a million year thought he would be here, but he said it was by personal request of Dr. Trevelyan.

I introduced Mrs. Nelson, and she made her leave. I hugged her goodbye. I asked her to please let everyone know I'd write soon. Ray thanked her for staying with me. In the safety that Ray was here, I finally slept. While he and Mr. Blakely set to work on getting me home. I was awoken with a commotion downstairs and I was terrified that I would find Morton there, Ray would kill him. I knew it. But it wasn't Morton at all, it was Carla, she had come home to find Ray, Blakely, two police officers and a women I didn't know sitting at the table. "Why are you here Ray!?"

Surprisingly, Ray wasn't the one to answer but Mr. Blakely, "Mr. Steele has the right to visit his daughter at any time Ms. Wilks."

"Whatever she said is a lie… a fucking lie, all she ever does is lie. Take her. I don't want her. She's ruined my life since the day she was borne." I sucked in as much air as I could I knew I hadn't eaten I knew I could pass out. I just couldn't believe the hatred coming from my mother's mouth.

"Ms. Wilks are you saying you willing surrender your parental rights to Miss Anastasia Rose Steele, to the care of her adoptive father Mr. Raymond Steele?" The women I didn't know spoke slowly.

"Yes he can fucking take her." The woman gave her a pen and legal papers, and told her to sign.

The police office escorted Ray, Mr. Blakely, Tinky and I to Ray's rental car. All my belongings fit in two large suitcases. It didn't appear that Ray or Mr. Blakely had packed anything at all. As we drove from the house that was my home for just a few months, I watched my life in Mansfield disappear. I learned a lot of lessons here. It would never be home, but the people I've met almost made the pain of leaving Ray bearable. I don't know if or when I'll speak to my mother again. I suspected not, at least not anytime soon. Our relationship would never heal, but I would never be able to say goodbye. 

**Epilogue**

_**July 12**__**th**__**, 2006**_

I'm sitting at the kitchen table with my Aunt Laura and her new husband, Tom. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding three weeks ago. They came to visit me today, because they knew I'd need them and they seemed to genuinely care about my worry that Ray would come home with bad news. I was on edge but, I smiled as they showed me their honeymoon photos from Maui.

I received a letter from Austin just a few days ago; he's on his way to basic training, after deciding that Marines had more to offer a person like him then a college. Bradly was given a sports scholarship to Stanford and would start classes in the fall. Mr. Nelson passed away, but he had his entire family there with him. Austin said that Mrs. Nelson is as active as ever in school events; declaring that she was never intended to be a retiree. I don't think Ray could ever retire either. I'm almost 17 now. This time next year I'll be on my way to college. I've decided to stay close to home. The separation from Ray for just a few months nearly killed me. I could never be that far away from him again.

Laura and I were making supper, using a recipe that Mrs. Nelson sent me for Lasagna, when Ray returned home. He hugged Laura and shook Tom's hand. Finally, he hugged me. "It's all over now Ana, you're stuck with me for good." I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn't talked to my mother in almost a year. But I couldn't keep the horrible thought that she would revoke her agreement of custody, and I would be thrown back into that chaos. "Morton was with her; they are moving to Las Vegas." I nodded. I wasn't surprised. Hurt, but not surprised. He looked at Laura and Tom; they quietly left the kitchen leaving me alone with my father.

"Annie, there's something else I have to tell you." In my heart I knew what he was going to say. I had already made peace with it. I held his hand. "She used my trust fund? I know. I've applied to so many scholarships, and I'm sure I can get student loans. I'll be okay daddy. I don't need money to be successful. I just love and support and you've always given me that. We'll be okay."

_And we were…Tinky meowed in agreement._

41


End file.
